Above All Shadows [Loki Timetravel fic - Completed]

44. Troubled Minds

With Mjolnir's hum fading into the distance, Loki surrendered his footing and slid to the ground. Thanos strutting about the ruined Statesman with the Infinity Gauntlet on his arm. Thanos in the possession of two infinity stones. If Ebony Maw hadn't yet realised what he had pulled out of Loki's mind, he would the moment he had a few minutes to reflect on the matter.

And that meant they were all done for. Midgard, Asgard, the entirety of the Nine Realms, the entirety of the universe. All the death the first time around, and all the deaths the second time had been for nothing. Ebony Maw would open the portal soon enough. The Chitauri, or whichever foul race had been selected to carry out the massacres in this time-line would come rushing in. Loki, Thor, SHIELD and the nascent Avengers might manage to hold them off for a day or a week. Ebony Maw and Gamora might even have to call for reinforcements. The Midgardians might even use up their stockpiles of atomics. It wouldn't matter - destiny wasn't something you could run from.

Thanos' words. Except, he said it better.

'Shouldn't have gotten involved. I knew it was a bad idea and I did it all the same.' Loki rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand. 'I always was an idiot.'

Closing his eyes, Loki let out a pained chuckle. Perhaps it would soothe some of the damned if they died knowing that their deaths would be infinitely quicker and kinder than Loki's own? After all, in damning them, he had damned himself too. Tyr, Gamora and Ebony Maw had little in common, except their hatred of Loki. A hatred Thanos himself undoubtedly shared too. Even putting aside Loki's efforts to bring down Thanos' crusade from the inside and his attempt to murder Thanos himself, Tyr had shouted that Loki had killed the Titan's daughter. Loki had never steeled himself enough to ask Heimdall the question, but Tyr had been gracious enough to provide confirmation. Nebula was dead. By Loki's hand.

And here was another pointless death on his ledger. It shouldn't have mattered, not when he had condemned the half the universe, yet Loki still found himself swallowing the lump in his throat. He pushed the knuckle of his index finger between his teeth and bit down until the pain began to echo the lingering throbbing in his head.

'This can't be the way this ends,' Loki muttered and despised himself for the unevenness in his voice.

There was no point in running or hiding. Thanos' children would scour the universe until they dug up whichever hole or crevice he had crawled into. He supposed could wipe out his memory. He had never tried it, for obvious reasons, but over the years, while researching for other things, he had come across a number of potentially useful spells. Some seemed quite thorough. A few days of digging around the palace library back on Asgard was bound to dredge up a spell that even the mind stone couldn't undo. But then if Thanos got his hands on the time stone, he could reverse whatever Loki did to himself just as he reversed Wanda's efforts with Vision.

The time stone.

It was right here on Midgard. Not yet in Strange's possession; Strange was probably still ignorant of the very existence of the mystic arts at this point. Loki stared at the deep imprints his teeth had left across his index finger. He could try to persuade Strange's predecessor to help him. And if she refused, he could steal the damned amulet. But what then? Start the cycle again? Time travel was a wonderful tool, but could do nothing to address the fundamental issue -- the knowledge locked in Loki's head presented an existential threat to the universe.

No, it was safer to wipe his own mind. Thor, the Avengers, Brunnhilde and whoever else was out there stood a much better chance against Thanos if he couldn't torture the truth out of Loki.

'He'll still try,' Loki reminded himself. 'Now that Ebony Maw saw what he saw. Torture - the kind that would make the last stay in the pits of the Sanctuary a pleasant memory, that's what awaits. And if I survive the torture and he gains nothing, he will kill me. And I won't even know why I'm being tormented.' He shook his head. 'Or to go back again, right now. Wipe my memory the moment I go back. No, that's stupid. How will I know what I came back for? I'd have to leave enough to nudge me and he'll unravel me from that single loose thread. And again, death. It always ends in death.'