A Little Bit of Chaos, and a Whole Lot of Love | A Collection of Malec One Shots

just make the pain go away

in which maryse is there for alec.

~

My head. Please help me. It hurts.

That's what Magnus had said when he'd crumpled to the ground, his body trembling with spasmic attacks. Alec hadn't realized what Magnus was trying to say at first, he'd been too consumed by panic to realize much of anything, but as he sits besides Magnus's still body now, the harsh fluorescent lights blazing, the translation comes easily enough. 

My head. Please help me. It hurts. 

He runs a tired hand over his face, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment, just a moment, before reopening. It's been three days since he's left this room, three days since he's done anything but stare at Magnus, to hope that he'll wake up. As he's been sitting in here, Alec's realized time and again that he would sacrifice anything, anything, just to see a smile on Magnus's face again. 

His hope is in vain. 

Catarina's been nice enough to let him stay, even when she's treating Magnus. She's shooed all the other clamoring shadowhunters away, letting no one else in but Izzy and Jace, and occasionally Underhill. Everytime he sees her, he tosses her a grateful smile, and she gives him a light one in return. Another friendship born.

Not that it's changed anything. 

Izzy and Jace keep trying to convince him to take a break, to eat, to go get some rest, but he's stubbornly refused to all their requests. He can't be anywhere else right now, not when he's on the verge of breaking down, of falling to his knees and begging, pleading, for Magnus to wake up. It's the only option he has left. He's beyond exhausted, and his strength rune can only provide him so much. 

He hears footsteps.

He sighs and turns around, the movement taking every bit of strength of he has. He's so drained, he barely has enough energy to move, let alone hold conversation with someone. He's just about to order whoever it is that walked in that Izzy and Jace are now in charge, and that they should be the ones this person should report to, but he freezes at the sight of who it is instead. 

"Mom?"

She nods slowly, placing her coat lightly on the couch at the edge of the room before traipsing towards him, regarding him with careful eyes, like she's afraid he'll break. He doesn't blame her; everyone who's seen him so far has either eyed him with sympathy, or fear, or a strange mixture somewhere in between. 

"Alec." She says slowly, reaching him, and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. He clasps her fingers in his, the warmth welcoming, and suddenly, he's overcome with pangs of longing, for things to be the way they used to be. He has a sudden flash of memory, of him and Magnus and his mother seated at Magnus's loft, enjoying dinner and laughing and passing tales about their lives back and forth. He yearns to go back to that time, when it seemed like everything was okay. Nothing was, not really, but at least then, he had Magnus to make everything better. 

Now, he isn't sure if he ever will. 

"How is he?" His mother asks, looking at Magnus with a worried gaze before turning back to Alec. And Alec wants to tell her that everything is fine, that everything will be okay soon, that there's nothing for her to worry about, but he isn't sure he can. 

Not when he doesn't really believe it himself. 

So instead, he shakes his head slowly, the endless flow of tears that have been haunting him all this while building up again, his throat tightening with another sob that threatens to escape. He closes his eyes, taking in deep, heaving, steadying breaths, turning away so his mother doesn't see him cry, doesn't see him shatter like he's wanted to for so, so long now. 

But it's no use. 

"Oh, Alexander." She breathes out softly, bending forward to wrap him in a hug. He responds, the tears now running loose, streaming down his cheeks. He buries his head in her shoulder, his arms tightening around her with everything he has as he tries to pull himself together, tries to calm down, when suddenly, he realizes he doesn't want to. 

So he cries, and cries, and cries, until he's completely drained, and has nothing left inside of him but exhaustion. His mother holds onto him the entire time, holding onto him the way Magnus always has, holding him to him because he has no one else to do it for him, not even himself. 

When he finally stops, she pulls him over to the couch, laying him down on her lap and stroking his hair softly, the way she used to when he was just a little boy. Soon enough, he finds himself falling asleep to murmured promises of how Magnus will be okay, and how everything is going to be just fine. 

And for the first time since Magnus fell unconscious, he believes it. 

×××

[a/n:]

initially posted on ao3, by
@

KissedByAShadow

come catch me on twitter, so we can sob about the next episode together! @shadowhunt_101

thank you for reading, i apologize for the angst.

unfortunately, there's more.

all the love,
dana.