Behind the Glasses || a.i.

Chapter 36

 I groan, rolling over onto my stomach. “Trinity?”

 “Huh?” I mumble. I can’t feel my body. It feels like I’ve slept on the floor. I pick up my head, opening my eyes. I look around at pale yellow room.

 “How are you feeling?” Luke whispers.

 I look over at him, sitting back up. I lean back against an unfamiliar headboard, bemused by the situation. “Where am I?”

 “You’re in a hotel room. Do you remember what happened yesterday morning?”

 “Yesterday morning?” I rack my brain for any memory of what happened. “What was yesterday morning?”

 He puffs out a frustrated breath. “Trin, you tried to kill yourself,” he says softly and slowly.

 “I- What?” I look down at nothing, angry with my brain for not remembering. “Is this a joke, Luke, because it’s not funny,” I snap, but my voice is scratchy, and my throat hurts.

 “Do you want to ask Michael about it?” He raises his eyebrows in all seriousness. “He told me you tried to throw yourself down the stairs.”

 I close my eyes, my hand pinching the bridge of my nose. Memories of yesterday come flooding into my brain at an overwhelming pace. My breathing picks up, and Luke comes over, rubbing my back to calm me down. “I remember it, Luke, I’m supposed to be dead.”

 “He saved you.”

 “He wasn’t supposed to!” I yell, unable to control myself.

 “Trinity, you would’ve been dead if he hadn’t been there!” he shouts back, backing away from the bed.

 “That was the whole point, Luke! I don’t want to be here anymore!”

 He turns around, his hands going up to his face, like he is sick of dealing with my shit. I would be irritated, too, if I were him. “Please don’t say that. Why would you want to die?”

 “Because life sucks.”

 “Yes, but you only get one life, Trin. Why would you throw it away? You don’t know what comes after this.”

 “It’s called unpredictable,” I whisper.

 “What?”

 “I just need an escape.”

 “So if Ashton were to say he needed an escape, you would let him?” he retorts.

 I stare at my hands fiddling around in my lap. “He already told me that.”

 “What?”

 “He told me yesterday he should’ve died, and that made me think about how, if my parents and my sister can’t live, why should I be able to do that? It’s not fair,” I proclaim.

 “You have to live for them.”

 “I don’t believe it.”

 “So you would let Ashton commit suicide?”

 “No,” I sigh.

 “So why should he let you?”

 I don’t have an answer, and I hate to admit Luke is correct.

 “Does Ash know?”

 “Yes,” he exhales, “And Michael hasn’t said a word since he told the doctor. You really scared him.”

 “Where is he?”

 “His room, next door.”

 “Who’s room am I in?”