break my heart | e.c

And I have no regrets done everything except for one

I was a risk taker, you and I both knew this.

Why didn't I risk that? You would only be here for so little that if it happened, I wouldn't have had to face you for another 5 months.

You were on my bed watching me finish my summer assignments. I liked starting them early while you preferred to wait last minute and bug me about it. That year you didn't have to worry about it anymore since you weren't required, but you still pestered me. I thought you would be upset but you seemed more than fine. I wasn't sure if I should believe this since you were really good at hiding your emotions but you genuinely looked fine.

"Did she say anything else?" I asked as I placed my paper down on my small desk.

"No, she said she was sorry."

You seemed to be "too calm" for a person who had just been broken up with. You didn't stop talking if anything you wouldn't shut up as usual. Maybe I was right; you never loved her.

"You'll be there, that's all I really need."

Could you really blame me for falling in love with you? You said things with double meaning and yes, perhaps they were a double meaning in my head but anyone would mistake it. My brother told me that maybe those feelings you had for me were buried but that they were there, you just hadn't realized it yet.

"I don't want to sound rude or anything so please don't get mad but... why does this concert matter?"

You stuttered in trying to find a reason but I didn't question it. My friends told me that you were just finding whatever reason to break up with her and that got my hopes up even more. You didn't care if she was there or not, you knew she wouldn't be able to make it. You only cared if I got there.

You stopped talking after this and it only made my confidence bounce off the roof. I sat next to you and told you there was nothing to be worried about, that everything would be fine. I squeezed your hand out of habit and smiled at you comfortingly. Your eyes fell on my lips and you wouldn't stop staring at them. My hands grew sweaty, something that was very rare. Butterflies erupted thinking of what could be next. Your eyes kept drifting from my lips to my eyes, you were waiting for it.

I could've kissed you right there, you were practically begging for it but I was stupid. I chickened out and sat up with a suppressed smile. I thought your face displayed disappointment but again it was probably me being blinded by my dumb teen mind.

The next day I was getting ready for your concert. I was beyond nervous since I had never gone to a concert and I was going to meet your bandmates for the first time in person. When you were in La Banda I rarely got the chance to meet them. I remember being so heartbroken because you always preferred taking her instead of me but she was your girlfriend after all.

I was in the process of applying my mascara when my phone dinged with a text from you. An excited smile, only for you, was washed away when I saw those words. You did it again, you chose her.

cubanito 😛

Hey mica... Belinda called and she's here. She thought things better and said she didn't want to lose me. I'm very happy 😄😄 but hey, I only have one ticket for an extra person and she was originally that person...

I'm sorry 😔 but I will have future concerts! and Renato told me that I could invite whoever I want then. I'm so sorry Mica, please don't be mad ;(

I cried a lot that day and for the first time, you weren't there to hold me because you were the cause for those tears. Deep down I thought that it was my fault, I lost my chance. If I would've kissed you the night before, would you have gone back to her? Would you have still chosen her over me?

I tried to reason with you, she was your girlfriend. Why was I being such a baby? It's not like this was your last concert. It was what I found out later by one of your bandmates that broke me. They also had extra tickets, one of them had an extra one and offered you it but you declined. Why didn't you want me there? Were you growing tired of me?

Of course, these thoughts were erased since you wouldn't stop calling me that night or the next. You felt guilty of this I was sure of. I made up a lie, telling you that my phone was acting up and joked about having to buy a new one soon. You weren't convinced but I reassured you a billion times that I understood and that there would be many other opportunities for me to go to one of your concerts.

Many nights I dreamt of what could have been if I would have gone for it and kissed you. Would we be like this now? Would have you been with me now and not her?

That yearning feeling of wanting your lips on mine and hands all over me only grew and the regret weighed upon me day by day. But now, even if I don't want to admit it, things would be the same. You never liked me the way I liked you, it was me who misread everything.

It was me that regretted everything.