break my heart | e.c

I wanna know the way it feels

It was a Friday morning that I would never forget but only because it was the moment I wanted you the most. How could I not? You were being such an attentive and devoted boyfriend that I desired it. I wanted to be the one you were constantly looking at.

You decided to have us meet each other, your new girl and I. As anyone in love with their best friend, I "happily" complied. 

"Flor," you contently sighed. "This is Micaela."

The girl was charming, she seemed to like you a lot and I envied how you reciprocated her feelings. Her eyes never left yours even when you weren't talking. Her hands were always latching onto yours making mine itch from the loneliness. You also wouldn't stop looking at her, playing with her hair or winking at her. You were observant, checking to see if she ever needed anything while you left me in the dust. You scarcely said a word to me. You didn't talk about us so she could know our history of being friends. It was all about the two of you. And yeah, maybe I sound selfish but I don't care.

"Erick would become so shy whenever he had a photoshoot with me." Flor giggled into your neck. "The boys teased him a lot for it."

"What did you expect? My huge crush on you was embarrassing." You said with a dumb big smile.

I left your house craving to be touched that way. To be looked at that way. But I wanted it all from you. The more thought I put into it I began to want it from anyone, it didn't have to be you.

Later that night you posted a picture of the two of you, exposing your secret relationship. You seemed so in love. Who was I to go between a love like that?

With a broken heart, I went out to forget about you. I determined that it would be the last time I cried for you or had my heart broken by you. I didn't want to love you anymore nor did I want to desire all of you. I knew deep inside my intoxicated mind that I recognize that it would take time but I just wanted to forget you.

Richard had told me he was hanging out with Christopher earlier so I called him. The second he overheard me crying he assured me he would pick me up. You can't imagine how grateful I am for that man.

"What happened?" He susurrate to me as he buckled my seat belt. "What did that stick do this time?"

I didn't answer because I felt defeated and worn out. I couldn't bring myself to speak or to cry any longer. I felt senseless and this time I couldn't even tell Richard what I was feeling.

The whole car ride was quiet except the radio softly playing. He understood that I wasn't going to speak anytime soon. He only talked to ask if my dad was home which I nodded my head that he was. Richard was fully aware that my dad would kill both of us if I came home in the state I was in so he took me to his place.

"Can you please talk to me now, Mica?" he pleaded, engulfing my hands with his.

Upon hearing the nickname, tears welled up in my eyes and my bottom lip jutted out, resembling a child.

"Nena, I can't help you if you don't say anything. C'mon baby, tell me what happened." Richard coaxed, intensely peering into my eyes to find any reaction.

Biting my lips to maintain back my tears, I subsequently met Richard's eyes. "I -"

"You what?" Richard echoed softly.

"I just want to be loved."