break my heart | e.c

Pictures disappear and every memory will fade

Four months in and we stopped talking. I sought to keep the friendship alive but you did nothing to help. You hardly responded to my texts so lets not even mention my unreturned phone calls. I would understand if I called every day but I would literally only try to phone once every two weeks! Of course, even that went plummeting down as I had already given up with the phone calls. I stopped texting you by the end of the second month because I was only bringing myself down.

Whenever my dad would ask how you were doing I would recoil because I didn't know. Perhaps I should be thankful because the time served for my feelings to subside. Instead, a new feeling began to form inside me though it wasn't so strong. I was having a battle with myself since I wanted to believe that you didn't mean to ignore me, it was your job. That grudge grew a little but I didn't want to admit to myself because it sounded ugly to have something against your best friend who was only trying to live their dream. But I was becoming less emotionally attach and it was turning out to be more noticeable.

Though she didn't say it, I knew your mother saw this too. I stopped asking about you, I stared uninterested when she mentioned you, I was getting so over it and she saw. She had shown pictures she found of us when we were younger and were obsessed with snapping shots wherever we went. I confess, there was a fraction of a second where I began to miss you but it was torn away from the arising grudge. It made me sad the first few weeks as I realized my developing feelings but your attitude continued and soon I grew indifferent to the feeling as well.

"Mira esta, Mica," your mom sweetly spoke as she handed me the picture. "Te acuerdas?"

Truth be told, I didn't. I looked at the picture where the two of us were outside your house, drenched in water with a blurry figure of a dog. I did know it was taken when we were fifteen because of my braces but further than that... I didn't remember what happened as to why we were wet.

"No mucho," I mumbled, seemingly bored with the pictures that only fermented my grudge. "Que paso?"

This made her sad and I felt bad because I didn't want to hurt her feelings in any way. I loved your mother as if she were mine but at the end of the day, you were her child. She loved the friendship we had and I could understand the sadness she felt seeing that we were drifting away.

"Mi hermana trajo a su perro y los dos lo bañaron. Erick quiso puntar la mangera hacia el perro pero te calló a ti. Tu no te quedaste atras y te vengaste," she said laughing fondly at the memory. "A la finales el perro nunca se baño, solo ustedes."

A vague image popped in my mind but I made no effort to recall it more because I would only want to remember more stuff about us. It was better if I didn't think of you, it was the best for me.

"Ah si," I meekly said smiling down at the picture. "Ya me estaba olvidando."

The rest of the evening she took out many pictures that she had found in a box in your room. It was as if she was trying to take something out of it, something out of me.

"Bueno, Daisy me tengo que ir. Mi papa me debe estar esperando."

"Claro, me imagino."

Before our final goodbye at the door, she reached out for my arm. "Micaela."

"Dime?" I said caught off guard by her now sadden semblance.

"Please try to talk to him." She semi-pleaded and I must admit it almost had me. "He really needs you right now."

You don't know how much I was laughing inside my head because you didn't need me at all. It was obvious with the number of times you called me which, by the way, were none. You didn't need me.

"I'll see," I tightly said before forcing a smile. "Nos vemos, Daisy."

Believe me, I wasn't going to do it. Yet something inside me told me to. Maybe it was because I heard something off in your mom's voice or the love I still felt for you, I don't know. What I do know is that I regret it because you never picked up. I knew then that I was right all along and it was dumb for me to have thought otherwise. You didn't need me anymore so I'll do the same. I'd make myself not need you. This meant so much but I had to start somewhere.

Forgetting you, our memories, was the first thing on my list.