Lee Midam//Social Casualty

{10}

How did we end up talking in the first place? Since when did my dreams of you become true?

Maybe it all started ln that day, the painfully suffocating day when I walked in those god damned heavy doors of the huge building. The thing was, i wasn't scared at all, it felt right and i could feel adrenaline rushing through my body, making me feel like i was the only person in everyones eyes.

But I was so wrong, it was not hard for me to realize when you and your friends walked in the giant hall of yg. Damn it was kind of annoying how every girl instantly looked at you guys. I couldn't blame them though, who wouldn't fall for those innocent eyes, newly bleached blonde hair and confident walk? 'A true player if you ask me' only that went through my mind as you and your friends passed me to go to the cafeteria.

The guys next to you were giving even more scary vibe. The short, grey haired was full of accessories, even I wouldn't be able to pull off stuff like that. On other hand the other person just wore simple hoodie and pants, but he was the one who was walking with full on confidence. Damn, if only I knew i would be this close to hyunsuk and rae

That time I didn't even realiez i froze on the spot, the whole place just seemed to stop moving,as if time wasn't a thing anymore, the loud talking of the manager and the stuff in the counter stopped and my friends seemed to shut up for just few seconds.

Being excepted in YG was one of my dreams but of course that time i didn't have any hopes on getting in. I didn't know a thing, dancing? I haven't tried it in my life even once. But somehow I got in. The responsibilities, rules, bans....everything just came at once. First few months were like hell, i had to go to school, then go to YG after school and practice dancing, singing and rapping every day, we were let out earlier than others at 8pm but after that we had to study at home and shower, i didn't even have time to properly take care of myself, damn 6 hours of sleep was like heaven to me.

Throughout those months I saw you couple of times and just like in every last meeting you were quiet and calm, didn't say anything to others, just set their acting all confident. Why were you taking all my interest when there were plenty of other guys in that evaluation room? Some of them were even better and were getting praised even more. Maybe that was the reason why...you weren't like others, you didn't try to stand out, you were you and didn't push yourself to satisfy others needs. You felt free Lee Midam and i was so jealous of it.

The way your lips lightly separated as you watched yedam sing in front of YG and the way you lightly moved your head to the beat...everything was driving me crazy, damn i must sound so obsessed but i just wanted to get to know you, maybe you really were the bad guy i always thought you were and i would just say goodbye to you after the sweet hi.

This thick, heavy mood on that one day. That was when i really felt what was going on, your face just showed it all, I've never seen you that broken before. I still remember how you pushed your lips together so you wouldn't cry and how your eyes were shining so brightly, but not because you were happy. Your hands, they were shaking like crazy and at that moment i didn't know what to do, well i couldn't do anything at all. After YG left the room everyone breathed out, all of them were happy that another month was rolled off and now they had their own after match to fight. I couldn't see you after that, everyone just went everywhere and no matter how hard i tried i couldn't find you.

After that i started composing songs, started skipping school to just stay in the studio with raesung and write lyrics. He wasn't as bad as I imagined, i actually thought he was pretty funny.
That's when things started rolling forward. You would sometimes open the door of the small studio room to just ask for a piece of paper or when we'd be finished. It was small interactions like this but it made me happy that you knew my name or at least knew i was that girl with rae in the studio which kept on writing meaningless lyrics just to satisfy others.

I was early for once and surprisingly rae was not in the studio, which is rare since even now i feel like he lives there. When i walked out of the recording room you were standing there in front of the huge mirror in the practice room, you just kept on staring at yourself and i couldn't find out what was that look on your face...sadness? Disgust? Anger? Everything just seemed to mix up together...

You're usually so quick to notice anyone but that time you were completely in your own world, weren't disturbed by my loud entrance. You didn't mind few tears rolling down your cheeks as I watched.

'Midam...'

That day will forever be at the back of my head because I can never forget the look you gave me. You were scared, so helpless and lost. It just seemed to go back to that time, your body shaking and your nose turning red so quickly.

'G-gi i-i...'

I felt so bad for putting you in a situation like this but maybe if I didn't i wouldn't be able to see how you wipped your tears off as fast as you could....but it was useless, they kept on coming down. I hate seeing that, why must a person whith such a beautiful soul experience something like that?

You were panicking so much, didn't know what to do as your eyes went anywhere but me.

'It's okay...you're fine...'

If I tried getting closer to you or tried to calm you down more, would we be closer today? But I couldn't do it Midam, I couldn't come close to you at all, i was so scared myself and it felt as if i would scare you away if i got one step closer. So i just stood there, watching you cry your heart out as I held the doorknob as tight as I could....

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Not my best but okay 😂 i just wanted to show a little backstory of Gis and Midams relationship, probably will do part2 of this 💕💕