So in love (Sweeran)

You're not going with us

After the last three shows we had on Australia, I was at the hotel packing my stuff with my mom and Caitlin. Claire had called me sometimes after that last night but I didn’t answer. I needed some time to think. I had to evaluate whether I could forgive her or not. We’ve got four Grammy nominations which caused some high pitched sreaming and jumping on the hotel bed like a three year old. Seeing Ed’s face at the Grammy nominations concert brought me a moment of relief. He seemed fine. He was better. His voice was steady, deep and warm in the way that made my heart miss a beat. I smiled like an idiot, and I saw that Caitlin and my mom exchanged a conspiratorial look. So I had to tell them. My mom just laughed and shrugged, saying that she knew that from the moment that we said our goodbyes in his last night on the tour. She said I looked desperate, like a puppy was dying right in front of my eyes.

Did I? Did he realize that? My head was spinning, all I could feel was anger mixed with embarrassment. She shouldn't have told me that.

Now, all I could think while closing my bag was that I missed him. I had decided to stop denying my feelings. I didn’t think I’ve ever felt this way for someone before. Maybe It was because he was out of my reach. Like a little kid trying to catch the star on the top of the christmas tree. He was almost two years younger than me but sometimes he seemed to be wiser, older, smarter. I was never the wisest. I was always learning.

We left the room. I was definitely going to miss being on tour. The way from the hotel to the airport seemed to pass in a blur. I watched the streets of Melbourne through my sunglasses, saying goodbye to the city and the people in my mind.

We finally were at the airport when my mother slightly pulled my arm.

"What’s wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"You’re not going with us" She said simply. I assumed she was probably joking, so I giggled.

“Okay… So I’ll just stay here and live in this airport” I said. “I just wish they had beds” She rolled her eyes and opened my hand, placing a piece of thick paper in it.

"It’s a ticket. To Framlingham. Well, to London, but you’ll get another plane to Framlingham when you get there. Here is your passport. Please be careful with it. If you lose it again I think I’ll have to strangle you. Swifties will kill me afterwards so I won’t have time to feel guilty" She laughed at her own joke while I was paralyzed, trying to understand what the hell she was trying to do.

"Mom, what are you talking about? I have to go home and go to the studio…"

"No, you don’t. You have to see Ed. That’s what you have to do. I can’t look in your face and see this mix of sadness and frustration anymore, Taylor. Just tell him everything before I do it" She interrupted me.

"You wouldn’t…" I squint my eyes.

"Oh, I would. And you know that" She giggled. "Just go."

After I saw he was a little better, I was intending to give Ed some time to recover from the Claire incident without being pressured into getting better, and also have some time for myself and write songs about how I felt in the middle of the whole situation. I was planing to see him at the Grammy's. But now this whole plan didn’t make sense anymore.

I don’t need more time away from him. And maybe… Just maybe… My company would make him heal faster. I did that before. I just wasn’t sure if I could do that with him.

"Does he know I’m coming?" I asked, a little nervous. She shook her head.

"Surprise him."