So in love (Sweeran)

Courage (final chapter)

"What?" Ed asked, looking me in the eyes as I still held his hand, incapable of moving away.

This was my chance, right? I spent days planning on how I was going to say everything to him on that trip, but ended up saying absolutely nothing and getting hurt once again. All the planning didn’t contribute at all; The more I planned, the more I postponed telling the truth.

Hearing his words, words I never thought he would say – well, not to me, at least – filled my heart with some courage I never felt before, a feeling that fully took my mind, a feeling that made me stand up and pull him. As I held his hand now, and stared at the sea that was his eyes, I didn’t know where to draw the strength to stop me from kissing him.

So, I did it.

I threw my body into his, brushing our lips together at first, feeling his sweet breath invading all my senses, then finally glued them together once for all. I wasn’t able to capture his reaction during the first few seconds due the fact that the only thing I had on mind was how good his mouth tasted. It was sweet, warm and soft on mine. And, contradicting my expectations, I felt no trace of alcohol in it.

Then, I realized he was completely still.

My hands were on their way to touch his face, but I immediately felt them fall down on the sides of my body again. I pulled my face back, frightened. This couldn’t be happening.

I opened my eyes to face him, anxious to see his expression, hoping with all my heart it wasn’t a disgusted one. But he had his eyes closed. And he kept them closed as I felt his breath on my face, my 
body still near his.

“Ed?” I finally whispered, seconds later, completely confused.

He opened his eyes.

I didn’t have time to evaluate his expression, because his mouth was on mine again. He kissed my lips passionately, with hurry, nearly fury. I was unable to think of anything other than his mouth, his hands on my waist, holding me hard against him like I was going to disappear at any second.

I felt my legs taking me backwards, not sure if I made the decision to walk away from him, but he instinctively came with me, gluing our bodies together again. I felt the couch near to the back of my feet, turning our bodies so that he was the one to fall on it and not me.

I separated my legs and sat on his lap, avoiding his almost judgmental gaze, putting my lips on his again. He didn’t pull away but I could feel his hesitancy for some seconds.

Then, his hands were on my thighs.

This wasn’t the time for planning my decisions. I wasn’t going to stop myself from doing what I wanted. Not tonight.

I ran my hands through his soft, bright red hair, then held his face on my palm, stroking his jaw, pulling him closer to me. His hands were on my waist again, then he began going higher, underneath my shirt, caressing the sides of my stomach. I shivered at his touch, his cold hands in my warm skin, squeezing me gently.

I began to take his tie off, as slowly as I could. I could feel him getting hesitant again, as I touched his neck while doing it. Why couldn’t he feel as sure as I was about this? Maybe I should sto-

My thoughts were interrupted by his hands pulling my shirt up, separating our lips for a moment to take it off. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so certain about all of it, with all that skin out. I could feel the heat on my cheeks while he grabbed me, being careful, as if he was afraid if he put too much strength my bones would crack and break, fragile as glass.

Then, he laid me down underneath him on the couch.

I didn’t understand the mood changing; I wanted the heat, the control. I wanted to be on control.