Studs and Stilettos

Lesson 10 - some teachers also have other more glamorous jobs

It's raining.

Pouring. In fact water is absolutely washing out of the sky like God is directing his cloud garden hose-pipe directly on me and me alone. I've been hanging round for two hours while Pippa finishes her shift at the hospital.

If she doesn't get here soon, she won't recognise the super-saturated version of her flat mate. The rain is running off my hair guttering and my clothes are completely transparent. If Edwin could see his muse now....

I slouch against the bus stop in this bleak out of town suburb just off the south circular watching for the black and white Smart car which is Pippa's pride and joy. She keeps it absolutely pristine and I will definitely have to empty the water out of my shoes before I'm allowed inside. It's brand new – well, a few months old - and I'm responsible for the fact that she bought it – me being the lodger with the promise of paying large monthly wodges of hard earned dosh and all that. Unfortunately I am also responsible for her being late with the payments because I'm not good at rental situations....fortunately Pippa's parents are loaded so they do bale her out from time to time.

This looks like her now!

I step up to the kerb ready to leap in.

Damn! Just a pizza delivery Smartie.

But what's this. Windscreen wipers working at 6 million swipes per second. A black Mercedes SLK crawling up the Smart car's arse, desperate to get past in a busy 30 mile per hour zone? And who is that in the passenger seat, head bobbing flirtatiously each hair moving in perfect synchrony with the others without being displaced, flashing a set of white enamelled pearlies as she enjoys sharing something hugely funny,?

It's Mrs McCloudy, the foxy bit herself and she's obviously got the hots for the driver (who wouldn't) of that very new, very shiny bit of technology. Don't think I recognise the regal dark headed chap wearing what looks like a Ralph Lauren polo shirt and a chunky Philippe Patek watch, but even from the quick glance I manage, he could definitely be on the list of favourable applicants for the vacant position of 'man in my life'.

Something tells me to look away quick – I'm not sure Anneliese would appreciate being spotted in this situation. The traffic moves on and I make a mental note of the Merc's plate. Hmm.

'Take your shoes off!' Pippa yells through the open window competing with the noise of drumming rain and roaring traffic.' I've got a plastic bag for you to put them in – and I'm afraid you're going to have to squidge in with Mike. I hope this is an emergency – I haven't really got room for three. This is so illegal. If you see a police car, you'll have to duck or jump out quick!'

The two seater was definitely not designed for three adults and I feel I would be more comfortable if Pippa let me hang my leg out of the window and rest my foot on the wing mirror. As it is, I am pressing my body so close against 'Mike', we are almost morphing into one person. He's also gripping a plastic bag with, presumably, his shoes inside.

'Hi Mike' I smile, my face pressed into his ear. 'Don't think we've met before....are you a friend of Pipps?'

Mike turns his face, sandblasts my skin with a carpet of bristles and smiles – at least, a set of teeth appear through what seems to be a wall of hair. This is the closest thing to a man dressed in a gorilla costume who isn't wearing a gorilla costume.

Pippa flicks me a radiant smile and gets back to concentrating on the driving.

'Mike and I are engaged.' she announces casually, hanging an unexpected left.

My jaw drops and as the car turns sharply, Mike inserts his capacious head straight into my mouth.

'Are you sure you're doing the right thing here Pipps? You've only known him five minutes. When did you say you met?'