Five thirty a.m.
I let myself into the cold, dark silent flat and rip off the five-inch black patent man killer heels which I was too vain to take off.
What a night!
Derek's being kept in hospital overnight. For observation! With Layla on one side of the bed and Anneliese on the other, chucking silent poisoned arrow glares at each other he's being over observed. I think everyone's finally got the message. Derek needs to pay up or he's going to leave that hospital in a police van rather than his posh Mercedes convertible.
I creep to the kitchen and fill the kettle. Someone has cleared away the debris of last night's farcical dinner party and I count six wine bottles sitting next to the recycling bin. Heck! Did we really get through that many? Well, I haven't had any sleep yet so no chance of a hangover for me. Besides, I'm on a high. It's the last day before half term and there's a whole week of blissful, boy-free days ahead when I intend to get another dinner date – and afters - with Charlie.
Might as well get a shower and go to work as normal. I'll stick a video on for all the boys and have a kip with my eyes open. Bill mentioned a riveting epic adventure movie showing ammonia production in a fertiliser factory.
I flop onto the sofa in the gloom of early morning and enjoy my first cuppa: aaaaaa... strong dark brown builder's tea! There's nothing like it. The fridge hums and water gurgles softly in the pipes. In the corner of the room, Samantha tangled and strangled in a baby blue nightdress with a chewed and tattered hemline, snorts gently and whimpers in her basket as she dreams of marrow bones, Toblerone cocktails and a successful doggie position with the apricot poodle.
A soft click comes from the dark corridor and I notice Pippa's bedroom door slowly moving.
Is it's Pippa's day on earlies or did I wake her? Knowing Pipps she's come out of a coma long enough to crawl her way to the paracetamol packets in the pantry - judging by the volume of liquor she downed last night.
The bedroom door shifts a fraction and I can see the outline of a body, wedged in the gap.
What is she doing? Maybe she can't even make it to the medicine chest and has propped herself up against the frame.
The door shuts again then opens wider and a large shadowy shape looms– not the lissom slim line body of my flatmate cum landlady – but the rather broad back of a man.
God! I put two and two together.
Bloody Pippa is back with that ghastly Mike. Something must have happened last night after I'd gone. Why does she do it? What an idiot. She is so used. But, she wont listen to me....whatever I say, she'll do whatever she wants – and that Mike was a user. A pure, unsullied hairy bastard who ran off with that little plug-wielding Polish plumber. I'm surprised Brutus let him in the flat after eloping with his erstwhile chum.
I can see Pippa's arms like tentacles wrapping round the neck, then snaking up and down the shoulders and hair line. Now she's scritiching her nails into his scalp and from the wiggling movement of the back, he's snogging her face off.
Suddenly, he breaks free and Pippa's arms disappear. I can't hear what they are saying, just the hissing of frenetic whispering voices and the sucking sounds of serious necking Dammit! They're coming this way.
Why I do it, I just dont know but I'm not up for a close encounter with the hairy monster this early, so I quickly dive behind the sofa as the whispering, sucky, drooling pair come into earshot.
'I've got to go.' deep baritone whispering.
'Aw, don't. Stay a bit longer....' Pippa, sybilant soprano.
'I dont want her to see me...not yet. Give it a while eh? Let her get used to the idea.'
Too true Mikey babes!
'You're right. I don't want her to think badly of me. She'll be very cross.'
Yes I am. You are such a silly bimbette Pippa.
'Little Miss Dynamite eh? She's a feisty chick.'
What? Who are you to think you know me that well? I only met you on one evening and that was memorable for many other events.
'Not a person to cross.'
More sssslurping and mmmmming then the gentle popping of lips disengaging.
'Oh...bugger! I've kicked something over....it's a sodding cup of...hot tea....'
'Someone must be up! Quick now. It's time to go before anyone sees you. Got your coat?'
'Didn't have one. Just the shirt – hey get your hand out... you'll break my buttons''
'It's more than your buttons I'm after ...I've already found out how to press those.'
I've got to look. I've got to look. But I don't want to. I couldn't possibly explain my eavesdropping position behind the sofa.
But I've still got to!
'I'll call you – as soon as I'm outside this door and then when I'm at the bottom of the stairs and then when I'm on the train and...then when I get to school. And at break and lunchtime and...who knows...'
School?
The soft mumbly words wash over me now. My adrenaline levels have just shot up and I can only hear the rushing of blood pounding behind my ears.
The ultimate clue.
I pop my head up just in time to see Pippa closing the door.
Damn!
YOU ARE READING
Studs and Stilettos
ChickLitIts Camilla's first teaching job in an all male school and hunky Head of Science Charlie is helping her settle in. Teaching boys the facts of life is more challenging than she's imagined but it's all going quite well until Camilla is caught kissing...
