"His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something."
Or something. We get what you're going for, EL James.
"And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain - probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells - comes the thought: He's here to see you."
The core of our frontal lobe, which is the area of the brain that controls logical reasoning, is telling us that this sentence is needlessly convoluted.
"I feel the colour in my cheeks rising again. I must be the colour of The Communist Manifesto."
Definitely the first comparison that springs to our mind when we think 'red'.
"His lips part, like he's taking a sharp intake of breath, and he blinks. For a fraction of a second, he looks lost somehow, and the Earth shifts slightly on its axis, the tectonic plates sliding into a new position."
Not that these characters are self-centred.
"He smiles, then strides with renewed purpose out of the store, slinging the plastic bag over his shoulder, leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones."
Technically one of the main hormones associated with sex drive is testosterone, which is a male hormone. That bit of biochemical know-how is brought to you straight from our medulla oblongata.
"I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone."
Ah, yes. Those infamously smiley sphinxes.
"Holy crap! He's wearing a white shirt, open at the collar, and tray flannel pants that hang from his hips."
Holy crap! This is a running theme, by the way - Christian Grey doesn't just wear clothes. Clothes hang from him.
"His tone is so... so directorial, his usual control freak. I imagine him as an old-time movie director wearing jodhpurs, holding an old-fashioned megaphone and a riding crop. The image makes me laugh out loud."
We're... not sure what to do with this one.
"The orange juice tastes divine. It's thirst-quenching and refreshing."
Fifty Shades of Tropicana!
"Oh my… sweat and body wash and Christian. It's a heady cocktail - so much better than a margarita, and now I can speak from experience."
Grim.
"I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious - she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his."
Yeah, this happens a lot. Ana has a really loud and obnoxious subconscious that's always doing dance moves in her head. We're not clear on whether she's actually supposed to be mentally unwell.
"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."
She also has a really loud and obnoxious inner goddess who's always doing dance moves. It's basically an embodiment of her sex drive and/or her vagina, we think. Again, we're unclear.
Read more: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/movies/at-the-movies/a512275/50-shades-of-grey-23-funniest-quotes-from-el-jamess-novel.html#~oQdzGNubTRmNtr#ixzz3DjMwNUz1
Follow us: @digitalspy on Twitter | digitalspyuk on Facebook
