Obvious

Chapter Eight

            I had done a pretty damn good job at avoiding both of the girls for a couple days now.  Throwing myself into open doorways in an attempt to flee from them.  Sometimes throwing myself into my friends’ rooms.

            “Still avoiding them?”  George asked from behind his computer desk.

            I peered around the corner of his door, staring down an empty hallway.

            “What gave you that idea?”  I closed the door.  George had now turned his chair to face me.

            “It’s none of my business.”

            “You’re right.”

            We stood there in that heavy moment.  Finally, the silence weighed too heavily on me.  The words spilled out like vomit.  “Fine!  I do like Sam!  I don’t know why everyone can’t just drop the subject.”

            “I said nothing.  You did.”

            I was speechless.  He was right.  Truth was, I wanted someone to talk to.  It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them to keep my secret.  I didn’t trust myself.  If I admitted the feelings, what would I do with them?  Turn into a sap like Jordon?  Become a hallow shell of a man like George?  What if she didn’t return the feelings?  Then I would be back in the same place I am now.  Maybe even worse off.

            “You don’t want Ronnie to know do you?”  George questioned.

            Again, I was rendered speechless.  I hadn’t really thought much about Ronnie.  But in a way he was right.  I didn’t want her to know.  I still had feelings for her and it felt like I was betraying her or something by liking her sister.

            “You know she’s getting married in a couple months?”  He added.

            “And what’s your point?”

            “You can walk away with a clean conscious.”

            “Like you?”

            His brow furrowed.  “Sure, like me.”

            I felt around, my hand aimlessly searching for the door handle.  I had overstayed my welcome and hoped that the girls weren’t standing in the hallway.  But my luck had run out.  The sudden gush of air rushed past me, moving Ronnie’s long blonde hair in its wake.

            “Jorel!”  Unable to contain her excitement.

            “Ronnie!...”  My voice sounded flat.  I could sense George’s smile behind me.

            “Where have you been?”

            “I’ve been pretty busy…actually I was on my way back to my room to make a phone call.”  I lied sheepishly.

            “Is it important?”  Her face dropped slightly.  I knew what she was asking.

            “I guess…it can wait…”

            “Great!”  She grabbed my hand and pulled me free from the threshold.  Her fingers were tight in mine as she pulled me down the hall, my heels heavy on the tile floor.  We rushed past Jordon, who stood baffled in the doorway of their room.  I raised my shoulders and free hand in an attempt to tell him that even I didn’t know where I was going.  I stumbled, losing my footing momentarily as we hurried down the stairs; my feet barely keeping up with her as we made for the kitchen’s back door.  It was in that moment that I realized where we were going.  Towards the garden.  She wanted to be far away from everyone else.  And it was in that moment that I knew I was caught.

            Just as quickly, her fingers released mine as she fell to the side of the fountain.  Her fingers nimbly played with the water, small ripples kissing her fingertips.

            “Do you like my sister?”  She finally asked.

            I remained silent.  She continued, “Everything is happening so quickly.  I don’t know what is going on anymore.  Danny hasn’t been returning any of my phone calls.  You are avoiding me.  I thought we were friends.”

            “We are.”  My voice coarse.

            “Then why don’t you talk to me?  Tell me what’s going on in your life.  Do you not trust me anymore?”

            “That’s not it.”

            “Then what is it?  Do you not like me anymore?”

            That was far from it.  Truth was, I still had feelings for her.  I was just learning to let them go.  I knelt down next to her, close enough to feel her body heat, but not to touch her.

            “Ronnie…”  She raised her head to me.  A small tear rolling down her cheek.  “I care a lot about you.”  I tried desperately to think of the words I wanted to say before I said them.  “More than you’ll ever care for me.  It hurts but I see it.  And I’m…making the hard decision….for the both of us.”

            “I love you.”  I had to look away from her.  Her words hitting a cord I didn’t even know still existed.

            “But you don’t love me the way you love Jordon.  You’re scared.  Scared of the future.  And you have every right to be, especially what you’ve been through.  Things are changing.  People are growing up.  Sometimes you have to make the tough decisions and then live witht he consequences.  Danny realized that.  He’s letting go.  Letting you live the life you deserve.  Before he left…I mean…”  Quickly changing my train of thought.  I didn’t want to rat out her friend.  “Let him be for now.  When he’s ready to accept his fate, he’ll come back.  He’ll be your friend again.  Just like me.  I’m always going to be your friend.  But not your best friend.  I won’t be the guy that you run to when you need help.  I won’t be your shoulder to cry on.  And maybe even for a little while, I won’t be around much.  But I need to walk away for a bit.”  Now I wasn’t even sure where I was going with this.  Tears rolled down her face.  I was growing frustrated.  “Talk to Jordon.  He loves you and would do anything for you.”

            “I’m sorry.”  Her voice was small but caught me off guard.

            “For what?”

            “For being like this.  I’m afraid I’m losing everyone and…and…I don’t know what to do.”

            “You’re not losing any of us.  We’re just figuring out where we’re meant to be.”  I swallowed hard.  “I don’t want to feel this way, believe me.  But…it’s for the better.  We’re six guys who had lived very different lives before you came into the picture.  Six guys who have done things we never thought possible.  We’re just growing up.  I mean about time.  It took some of us twenty-eight years to finally grow up.”  I tried lightening the mood.

            She gave a slight smile in response.  “I’m just confused.”

            “And you don’t think I’m not?!  Just give it some time.  Be yourself.  You know all that cheesy mumbo jumbo shit.  When you try to force an answer, you’ll only get farther away.”  I leaned in, knowing that Jordon was watching and placed a kiss gently on her forehead.

            “Stop being so afraid of telling people how you feel.”  I stood up.  “You can’t battle everything on your own.  Eventually the weight of the world will suffocate you.”

            I started making my way back to the house.  I felt different, as if I was finally relaxed, my shoulders loosened as if the stress of everything had finally been lifted from them.  I knew I wasn’t ready to spend countless hours with Ronnie, but I felt better knowing that I was finally moving on.

            “Jorel!”  She called after me.  “Sam likes you.”

            I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face.