Dolan Twins - Our story

16 • Friend

James POV

'Ella look at me,'

She shook her head, suddenly grabbing her hands away from mine and holding the sides of her head. Shaking her head like crazy.

I shut my eyes for a two seconds and took a deep breathe,

'James don't start being a pussy now'. I said to myself,

I scooted myself towards her and grabbed both of her hands, forcing them down and away from her head.

I kept hold on her shaking, trembling hands and she flickered her eyes towards mine, for a split second, but for long enough for me to know she was listening.

'Ella,'

I started, and paused.

Ella's POV

James took a deep breathe, it was as if he was just as scared as me.

'I don't know where your thoughts are at right now babe, but I can promise you your head is with me. You are safe. You are going to be okay. Ella, I don't believe I have ever let you down and sweetie I'm not going to. You are safe. As long as you're alive you are safe. I will never, ever let a thing hurt you. But you have to talk to me. You have to open up to me and you have to be honest with me. Every little thing that annoys you I need to know, I need to know the little things that make you roll your beautiful eyes, and I need to know the things that put you in this position. I need to know you better than you know yourself. So I can help, and this can get better. Yet the only way this is ever going to get better is if you focus on what's important - breathe.'

I can't quite explain, and I don't think I ever will be able to, the pace my brain runs at, the thoughts that run through or the different places they go.

The tweets, it's like they're doing a relay race through my head. They pass the baton to each tweet, running around and resurfacing after each other. They don't disappear. There's always one, and then the next.

The tweets go to my legs, my fingers, my hands, my arms. They're running so fast to hand the baton over that my limbs tremble. Uncontrollably.

Every worry I have, it's like a sprint. They sprint from the back of my head to the front, cross the finish line and disappear. Each worry is soon replaced by another, but they're quick. Quick and gone. Quick and replaced.

The worry's sprint up and down my nose and throat, kicking me in my chest and in my back. They stop me breathing. And it stings. Like a bitch.

But this was different,

So,

Completely,

Different.

James words didn't run through my head. They slowly walked, they flowed in a line. They came - they made their mark - and they went. No running. No stress. No pain.

James words went on a wonder through my nose, my mouth, my throat, and my limbs. I wasn't in pain. I wasn't okay, but I was getting there. I could feel myself slowly being able to breathe and my arms and hands and legs were slightly trembling.

After months of pills, drugs and medication I have finally, through all of the pain, blood, sweat and tears - found something that helped.

A friend.