Deeper Than the Knife

Chapter 17- HAHA! LATER CANADA!

Yukino stumbled, I caught her before she fell to the floor. She was breathing heavily, beads of sweat rolled down her face. I was only now feeling the consequences of this fight. My legs and arms were as heavy as lead, and all of my energy had been sucked out of me. But I was in much better shape than Yukino. 

"Yarah-we have. . .To get. . .Yarah." Yukino gasped in pain, I knew I had to get us to a hospital. Preferably before Yukino bleeds out. I wrapped her arm around my neck, reached down to pick up our weapons, before stumbling to our bedroom. The whole living room was in a weird state of disarray, everything was burned beyond belief, and covered in frost. The only room untouched was our bedroom. 

It took a little work to get the secret hatch open, but when I finally got it open Yukino stumbled out of my grip and down the stairs she went. Yarah was sitting on the platform sobbing, either from fear or relief or both, I wasn't sure. I was just glad she was safe, we'll worry about the emotional trauma later. 

"Mama! Mommy!" She cried, reaching her arms out for us to hug her. 

"Yarah!" Yukino cried in relief, stumbling into her embrace. She held on tightly, sobbing into her shoulder. "I was so worried about you, I'm so sorry."   

I stumbled down the stairs myself, I could barely pick up my legs or arms. Yet I found the strength to wrap my arms around my daughter and Yukino.  

Yukino actually needed freaking surgery. Like actual put under and being stitched up. I think I fainted when the doctors told me and Yarah that. She was also going to need physical therapy afterwards. I felt bad for her future physical therapist, because Yukino is not a patient woman. 

I waited with Yarah for Yukino to come out of surgery in the stupid waiting room. Since Yukino and I weren't legally married-yes we still said we were married for Yarah-there wasn't anything I could do. Yarah got checked out just in case, there was a lot of ice in the apartment after all. 

It took hours for Yukino to come out of surgery, I was freaking useless to help her which drove me mad. The Canadian hospital was going to send Yukino, and Yarah and me, to Paris, France on the orders of The Order after she was stable to transport. At least we were finally getting out of Canada.

However, there were a couple of things we-Yukino and I-needed to take care of while we were still in Canada.

"We're finally doing this," I said in disbelief. I sat on the edge of Yukino's hospital bed, Yarah had curled up next to Yukino. We were finally doing it, it was about damn time. 

"Yes, we are." Yukino smiled as she signed at the bottom of the paper on the clipboard she was holding. She handed it to me, I grinned as I signed the adoption papers. We had to sign the Order's special papers that would make it valid in all countries and the Brazilian ones-The Order put a rush on it. 

"Yarah is about to officially be ours." Yukino played with Yarah's hair, making her giggle.

We also had another document that needs to be signed-our marriage license. Yukino and I came to the conclusion that there were a lot of benefits to being real married instead of fake married. I faced a problem of being fake married earlier, if something had happened to Yukino-I wouldn't have been allowed to make any decisions about her medical care. Plus, this was a huge 'fuck you' to our families. And I take any chance to say 'fuck you' to them. 

I changed the documents-the Canadian and The Orders-then handed it to Yukino. She filled it out-she didn't trust me to do it correctly, which was honestly fair. I'd probably mess it up somehow. She signed it then handed it back to me. I gladly signed them. Now we have just combined three of the Noble eight clans with just a couple pieces of paper. Take that mom. 

"You may kiss the bride!" Yarah exclaimed, she was probably the most excited about this. She begged us to let her say that, of course we agreed.

I leaned over and gave my wife a kiss. 

I laid awake in Yukino's hospital room, it was the middle of the night and I just couldn't sleep. There were so many things crowding my mind, non of which was sleep.

I just got married. But not in the way I wanted. I wanted to get down on one knee and propose to Yukino-if we're going to judge why I've thought about proposing to Yukino, I have to remind you that this is gay culture-in a stupidly romantic way that she'd love and hate. Then have a wedding with our friends there to celebrate with us. Yarah would be in a dress that totally matched Rashida's as they, plus Lucas, threw flower petals everywhere expect the aisle. There'd be cake and dancing, and for one night, our families wouldn't exist.

Guilt ate me alive. I wanted my uncles and cousin Daniel to be here. I always wanted them with me when I got married. Uncle Sawyer was supposed to walk me down the aisle, my dad died when I was little so he was supposed to give me away. I was sure my mom would've wanted nothing to do with me after she found out I'm gay. There was this hole in my stupid heart, don't get me wrong, I love Yarah and Yukino. They're my family. But, I miss my uncles. They loved me when my mother didn't. 

I looked out the window, the moon was barely a sliver. I killed my cousin. How was this only just hitting me now? I fucking killed my cousin. I didn't have a choice, she was going to kill me and my family if I didn't. On the orders of my mother. She did it on her hatred, the orders from my mother just gave her an excuse to actually do it. My mother, she wanted me dead. So much for motherly love. 

I will never be like my mother, no way in hell. 

I wonder, what kind of parent was my dad? I was too young to remember much about him, I can't even remember his face. Just that he had dark skin like me, and there was a faint memory of what I think is his deep raspy voice. The only thing I really know about him was that he was killed by someone from the Kōri no Kuma Clan. Which is why were supposed to hate each other. Jokes on them though, I just got married to one. Ha. Take that (again) mom. Would my dad have accepted me? Would he have ordered a death sentence to his child?

Finally, I thought about what happened during the fight. I lit myself on freaking fire. I didn't know that was possible, I thought we could only use our element powers through our weapons. Also, the thing that triggered it. Fear. I was afraid, so afraid. That man who was slowly freezing to death, that tranquil smile on his face-as if the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders, or he finally got to escape this terrible life. He looked so sad, yet so relieved. 

"Charlotte, don't be scared." Why can I remember his voice but not my dad's? "I'm not cold, I'm warm. So, so warm. It's so peaceful, I'm sorry for failing you but I can't protect you anymore." And that's all I remember.

I could lie and say that I wasn't afraid of that memory, but I can't. I'm terrified of it. That was the real reason I could light myself on fire, and I don't even know how I know that. Sure, I wanted to help Yukino and make her stop crying, but that fear of ending up like him was the real reason. Whoever he was, I'll do better than him. 

I looked at Yukino's sleeping form, Yarah was cuddled up next to her. I smiled, those two were my wife and daughter. I guess I should probably go to sleep, but there's no point in trying.