My Name is Faith.

Chapter 4

There was a knock on my bedroom door.

"Who is it?" I asked. "It's me." I heard Henry's muffled voice through the other side of the door. "Come in." The door opened and he came in. "Do I close the door?"

I usually kept my door open but recently I don't know why but I've been keeping it closed.

"Close it please."

"So I heard that you got into a fight in school." Henry said as he sat on my bed. I stayed quiet and continued to do my homework on my desk. "Harper answer me please."

I knew what would happen if I did answer him. He would go on giving me a speech about how I shouldn't be fighting. That if anyone had beef with me that he should be the one to resolve the problem. But I hated that form of logic. I was tired of him always being there. He thought he made the problem be the when he actually made it worse. People would bother me more calling me names thinking I didn't know how to defend myself.

"Harper, please I just want to help you."

I continued to ignore him. I could feel my blood rush through my veins. I put on my headphones on. The ones he gave me for my thirteenth birthday. I blasted my music ignore any conversation he wanted to start.

I could still feel him in the room. Didn't he get it?! I didn't want to start ANY conversation. He than texted me and my music stopped playing. I turned around, took off my earphones, and have him a look. "You have 3 minutes. So I advice you start talking."

"Why the fight?"

I took a deep breath in. "They were bothering my friend and making fun of her for being poor. I came in and one thing let to another."

"Why not tell me..?"

"Cause! I'm sick of people thinking that I'm weak! Everytime that I tell you about my shit you always make me seem weak! I'm tired to it! Let me take care of my shit alone! Stop trying to be mom! You'll NEVER be like her!" Tears streamed down my eyes leaving a burning trail behind.

“You don’t think I know that! You don’t think I know that I’m not mom! I’m trying my best!” I could see he held back his tears. He then grabbed my arms and looked down. “Harper, I know I’m not mom but please try to understand. If anything happened to you and Cameron I would feel guilty about it. I-I can’t lose you! Not you both...you’re all I have left.” He lifted his head up and I saw him crying. For the first time I saw him crying. I felt like something had punched me in my stomach. I burned me inside. The man I thought that didn’t even have emotions to even cry in his own mother’s funeral. Was now crying in front of me. I didn’t know how to react. My hands shook as I went for a hug. He stood up and his 5'9" self hugged my 4’9 short self. I started to cry with him.

Sometimes even if I try to be hard with everyone and seem like the rebel in school it’s still hard to be hard. Maybe i’m like this because of my father. He always screamed at us whenever he’d see us crying. I still remember those dark endless nights in my room. Crap, how I hated those nights.

 "You need to stop Harper. You’re not alone alright. You have Cameron and I. Heck, even that ‘father’ we have. I know you want to handle things by yourself but I’m just making sure your safe. Please try to understand. Even if it means getting shot to protect you I will.”

 I felt comfort in his arms. A comfort I only felt rarely in my life. "What's this?" He asked as he got my bandaged hand. Fuck! I only had seconds to cover up and make an excuse. "Got it while in the fight." I lied. Again the same punch in the stomach feeling came back.

He raised and eyebrow and chuckled. "How did you leave the guy." My eyes widened. "How did you know it was a guy?!"

He laughed. "It was the younger brother of one of the guys in the baseball team. Just letting ya' know." He smiled as he flicked my nose. I smiled and gave him a playful punch.  "Get back to doing your homework shortie." He said as he pushed my forehead with 2 fingers.

He sighed and kept hugging me. We stood there hugging each other for what seemed like hours. Finally I broke the hug. "Well, I need to continue doing my health homework." I said fixing my hair a little. Henry gave me a little head nod. "Alright. Also do you still want to cut your hair? Or do you want to leave it as it is?" For awhile I've been wanting to cut my hair cause I can't stand that I look like my mom when I have long hair. "Yeah Imma cut it later." He chuckled. "You really don't like it long huh?" He asked me as he patted my head.

 "You know why I don't like it long."

He sighed. "Yeah I know. But I like it long." I punched him playfully on the stomach. "Well, it's not your hair." "I know. I know."

 After some play fights and arm resal he soon left my room to go finish up cooking. I finished my homework and went to my closet to put some stuff in boxes. When I did another box fell on top of me and fell straight to the floor. "Ow, that fuckin hurt." I placed the box back and as I did a book fell out. I picked up the book, closed the closet, and hopped on the bed to analyze the book. As I looked closely it seemed to be some type of diary. My curiosity got the best of me. I opened the book and tears formed in my eyes. It was mom's. I hugged the diary close. As I read it I tried my best to hold my tears. The diary started when my mother found out she was going to put me in pre-school. I laughed as I was remembering that she was the one crying that I was going to school. The dairy talked about Henry, Cameron, and I. I felt like this diary was dictated for all 3 of us. Hours passed and I kept reading the diary.

 "Harper! Time to eat. Food' getting cold." Cameron yelled from the first floor. "Fuck." I quickly hid the diary under the sheets of my bed. "Coming! Wait a little." I yelled back.

 While eating I kept pondering. Why did my mom write the diary to begin with? What really made me thinking was the last page that was written.

Be the author of your own story Faith. Everyone has a story that's waiting tI be heard. I hope mine helps you. Each diary has different situations that I went through that'll help you. But be you no matter what. I love you my Angel. 

With love,

Your mom♡

    It broke me.....

    The fact that my mother wasn't here anymore haunted me

Now.... I must live pretending it's fine

I just hope the truth doesn't show.....

Even when whole it's ending I'll keep it inside.......