Shock And Awe

A Unexpected Phone Call

A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews/votes. My muse and I both appreciate it. This is still, as of now, planned to be a fairly long, multi-part story, but if you all aren't into it...I'll wrap it up before too long.

And remember...reviews and feedback keep me and my muse motivated...especially if they're positive!!!

***This chapter starts the second "part" of the story***More drama and more secrets revealed***

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter...Now on with the show!!!

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"What you know today can affect what you do tomorrow. But what you know today cannot affect what you did yesterday." ~ Condoleezza Rice

"There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice." ~ Simon Sinek
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Chapter 21

As I finish getting ready in the bathroom and consider what to wear today, I'm struck with just how different today is starting out compared to yesterday. Yesterday morning I was in another state, in a dreary hotel room waiting to get the final piece of the puzzle to help catch yet another serial killer; one that I could unfortunately relate to better than I would care to admit to anyone else. He was seeking answers to what happened after you died, given the brief, but still bleak, glimpse of the afterlife he had previously been given. I completely understand that, given my own personal preview of the afterlife.

I also believed, with everything in me, that I had zero chance of any kind of a relationship with JJ. Now, standing in front of the mirror, as I finish trying to get somewhat presentable to the general public, JJ has said that she wants a future with me. I really want to believe her...I truly do. Maybe it's the cynical side of me, or just the realistic one...but I just know that somewhere out there another shoe will drop or someone is just waiting to pull that rug out from under me and steal this brief glimpse of potential happiness away from me. That's what always happens.

I learned a long time ago to not rely on promises of future happiness, but to try and be realistic with my expectations. It keeps me from being hurt as often...not that I'm still not hurt. I would love nothing more than to believe that JJ is all in...truly and completely invested in a relationship with me...that nothing I say or do would scare her away...but I still have too many secrets that could ruin it for us before we ever start. Being cautious and just seeing how things go from here, without getting my hopes up too much is probably for the best.

Seeing that she reacted well to my scars was a good start...though I wish she didn't have so many of her own. I know that was part of the reason she understood why I was so reluctant to share mine with her...but my heart breaks for her...realizing that she must've been through something traumatic and I wasn't around to help her through it...even as a friend...since I was too busy dealing with the aftermath of everything with Ian.

My secrets and the fallout from them always seems to either directly impact those I care about...or they prevent me from being able to be there for those I care about when they really need me. Yet another reason why I often believe that I'm completely useless and those around me would be better off without me in the long run. When I am actually needed...I'm not around...for whatever reason. In any case, JJ seemed to at least try to understand and she didn't run away from me when she saw how damaged I was...at least on the outside.