Shock And Awe

Understanding Rosalyn

A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.

A/N: The first several chapters are to provide you all with the backstory for these lovely ladies. Since the story begins midway through season 7, I want to make sure that I give you as much information as possible about what has happened in the five years they have known each other as possible, so that when the story kicks into high-gear and previous interactions or situations are mentioned, including the introduction of new characters and storylines that were not part of the original show, upcoming chapters will be make more sense.

I hope you enjoy the story...and please review...Now on with the show!!!

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"Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity." ~ Khalil Gibran

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." ~ Khalil Gibran
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Chapter 12

I hear the pilot say that we will be landing shortly, and glance over in time to notice that Emily had been watching me. I guess I had been thinking so intently, I hadn't noticed. Unfortunately, as soon as I did, she averted her eyes and started staring out of the window again. Damn...I wish she would stop shutting me out like that. I wonder what she is thinking about now? I can't help but remember when everything changed for us so dramatically.

It wasn't long after that case in Wyoming, I was called into a meeting with Strauss. She told me that I was going to be assigned to a special task force, though I wouldn't be given specific details until I arrived at my location, as it was a classified mission. The team would be told that I was being transferred to the State Department. I told her I wasn't interested, but she advised me that it wasn't up for discussion.

She told me that she would give me some time to make whatever arrangements I would need with regards to the BAU and my family, and that the "transfer" would only be temporary, though my team would be told it was permanent, with the exception of Hotch. He would hold my position, given the unique circumstances, but assign a replacement to fill my role. The replacement would only be temporary, until I returned, though everyone except Hotch would believe it was permanent.

Because I wasn't told any of the details regarding where I was going, or what my classified mission entailed, the only thing I was able to let Will know was that I would be gone for an unspecified amount of time, and that if there were any emergency, he could contact Strauss or Hotch at the BAU and they would find a way to reach me.

I tried to get time with Emily alone, to explain what I could about what was going on, but she was still so closed off...distant. I did tell her that I didn't want to leave her. She thought I meant the team, but I told her that while I would miss the team, I was talking about her specifically. I didn't want to spring my secret on her then, given that I was going to some unknown location, for an unknown amount of time. I knew it wasn't fair to her to drop a huge secret like the one I had been keeping on her at that point and then leave. I couldn't explain everything then, but I promised her we figure would figure everything out together later. I know my conversation with her probably confused her even more, given her understanding of my relationship with Will, and what she thought was just a normal transfer to the State Department. I just couldn't explain it all to her then, considering the classified nature of my mission.