Fire meet gasoline (Skeet Ulrich)

12.

Hello sunshines! Here's another boring long part, I am sorry, not everyday's Christmas. Still hope you'll enjoy. xx

I don't remember how long I sat on that cold kitchen floor. I don't remember how long I cried. Slowly, but thoroughly, the pain was spreading from my chest, to the stomach, throat, head, even fingers. I felt weak. Disgraced. Humiliated. If there were more synonyms to it, I felt all of it. How did we come to this point? To the point where he absolutely hates me and I'm scared of him, even though the moment he first hugged me I instantly felt safe like never before? Was it just his ego that was hurt? Because I refused to keep doing what we were ... to keep cheating? Or does he feel something more ... and that's why he's acting like this? But I dismissed this option immediately. There's no way he could ... be in love with me? Don't be stupid, Victoria. 

I moved my aching body to the shower where I scrubbed myself so hard it hurt. I wanted to wash down those hurtful inappropriate touches, kisses, feeling of his fingers in me. If I ever imagine our sexual encounter, it was all about making love, not this ... almost rape. I saw the two big bruises little bit above my nipples. Shit. Together I had three, one from KJ and these two from ... him. I couldn't even think of his name. Then I quietly walked to my room, buried my sore body in tons of blankets, closed my puffy red eyes and fell into very disturbed sleep. 

I felt even worse in the morning. Bruises got darker but the bruises on my soul were million times worse. I didn't want to get up and go down cause I didn't know if he's still here or what. Till I dare myself to go down, I packed some of my stuff for upcoming night at KJ's. To be honest I couldn't wait to see him. And couldn't wait to feel his muscular hands hugging me. He was slowly becoming my safe place and all I wanted was for him to cuddle me. And to kiss all my pain away although it won't be possible, because ... 

But honestly what I wanted was Skeet. I wanted his heart, mind, lips and open arms. I wanted to hear from him those words. Those three simple words. I.Am.Sorry. And then maybe another three words ...  

No! No. What happened at night was the last thing I could endure. Not anymore. I won't think about him. I won't, I won't, I won't ... 

With my stomach in a tight knot I went down to kitchen. Phew, he's not here. I poured myself water and drank it all. But when I turned around he stood behind me. My eyes immediately filled with tears and I stepped back. 

"Vicki, I ...I ... I don't know what to say." His face was pale, his eyes full of hopelessness and pain. He made step forward and I made two steps back. 

"To say I'm sorry, that's an understatement for what I did. I ... I was drunk," he admitted. As if I don't know. 

"Don't ... don't come near me. Not anymore. Never," I gulped, tears were streaming down my face like crazy. 

"I ... You can't do this to me, Vicki," he shook his head out of despair. 

"I can't do this to you?!" I laughed hysterically, "To you? What about me? Do you know how I feel? How it hurts to be humiliated by man I considered as my safe place since the moment we first met? But you just wanted to prove yourself something by fucking me, well, congratulations! You did it! You can now strike me out of your fuck register and move on and continue to cheat on Corin with other girls to boost your ego! I am done with you. I could forgive you those words when we were camping but this ... I know my value. And I won't let anyone ever again disgrace me," I passed through teeth and tears, I almost didn't see him. 

"I am sorry, Vicki," his voice was trebling, but I couldn't take it anymore. I took bag with my stuff and literally ran out of apartment. I caught metro and sat on the seat. There were just few people, everybody were enjoying day off probably. I got out of subway and texted KJ that I'm almost there. He didn't answer, probably was in the middle of filming. With each step I got more excited to see him. In that moment I needed someone to hug me.