Fire meet gasoline (Skeet Ulrich)

28.

To this day I don't remember how I got home. How I made it all the way from L.A. to my hometown, how I met his parents again, his crying mother whose tears were soaking in my shirt, his broken dad, who was so nice to me for all that time we were a couple, his usually happy brown eyes were filled with pain.

I don't even remember his funeral properly. I was absorbing the pain, I know I stood there, my dad's arm wrapped around me, Corin held my hand. All I could do was watching those two young women and their little babies, his children, saying goodbye to their dad. I wanted to scream, cry, but I couldn't do any of it. My insides were shattered, I wasn't sure what was going on with my heart, it felt like I hadn't even had one in that time. 

He died in hooligans fight. During our relationship he used to get into those fights with them pretty often, always after matches, when he was in pub, getting drunk. We argued everytime about it, but I couldn't stop him. He was so passionate about his team and football, and they were as well. I heard he got into fight with them after they lost some important match and they had knives. They stabbed him and one of his teammate to death. Police caught them promptly, but they could  not help them at all. Both of them bled to death in few minutes. Corin was at home in that time, so she knew immediately and called me. 

I was sitting in my room, looking from window. My phone kept buzzing, I know it was Skeet, but I could not answer it. I was too tired and too broken for talking to anyone. Someone knocked and I spotted Corin with mug in her hands. 

"May I?" she asked quietly and I looked back at the view from window. She put it on desk and sat next to me. 

"I'm sorry, Victoria. I'm talking about our Vancouver situation ... And what Alyssa did. I'm sorry," I heard her. 

"I was a bitch, I know. Me and Skeet, it wasn't working long before you came ... But I needed him. I needed his money then. I was deeply in shit situation and I was not financially capable of making it.  I knew you were in love with him, I saw it. And I saw the way he was looking at you everytime he was around. I am very sorry."

"I'm leaving, in fact. Tomorrow morning," she added, "I signed a contract with model agency in Finland for one year. I have a friend working for them there, so ... I just wanted to let you know. And sorry for your loss," she stood up and left the room. 

I was emotionless, numb. I was too tired to talk, to think. I knew what she said, and I wanted to say to her that it's okay, I forgave her and I was not angry at her, but I couldn't. Like my mouth was locked or something. 

I still did not cry. Not a single tear. 

                                                                                -------------------

Since John's death, I couldn't sleep. That's why I was up early. Sun was rising as I was putting on sweatpants and jacket. I put my hair in a bun, took car keys and ran down. My parents were asleep, so I quietly closed the door behind me and started the car. 

I hoped I could make it. I did. They were outside. Corin and her parents. They were all shocked by my presence. 

"Good morning," I greeted them quietly. 

"You came," she smiled.

"I ... I couldn't let you go like that," I admitted. 

"I ..." she started, but I hugged her. I didn't want to lose her either. 

"I'm sorry, Corrie. For everything. I just want to let you know that I love you ... I love you very much and it wasn't my intention to hurt you. I was selfish and ..."