Fire meet gasoline (Skeet Ulrich)

14.

Hello sunshines. To all of you who are celebrating Easter, well, Happy Easter! Here's another part, I hope you'll enjoy. xx

I was sitting on warm sand and burying my feet into it. It was beautiful in here. I fell in love with Auckland the minute we got here. Sunny, warm and breathtaking. People here seemed nice and polite, very talkative.  And also KJ's family, they are amazing and welcoming. His mum keeps hugging me all the time and his dad discusses with me new recipes cause he's a chef. Arieta and Timena are the best. They welcomed me like long lost friend and amongst all of them I felt like part of the family. His grandma was always offering me food and I had to laugh, she reminded me of my grandma. They were and still are so amazing to me and I am overwhelmed with feelings of joy and sadness at the same time. I saw how they looked at us, at me and KJ. They think we're ... 

I sighed and brushed away tears. I'd give anything to love you like you love me KJ, anything. But ...

I was so angry at myself. So angry. I have amazing guy by my side who's willing to do everything for me, but my stupid heart wants just that one. That tall one with curly black hair, wrinkly smile and most beautiful chocolate eyes. With strong hands, tender touches and soft lips. With deep voice and amazing heart. I finally admitted to myself that I'm head over heels for him. That I love him. That I love Skeet. But I also know that we will never be together. After he found out ,thanks to Corin, that I'm going to New Zealand with KJ, he stopped talking to me. He didn't even look at me. And it was and still is tearing me apart, more and more everyday. Sometimes I had the feeling I couldn't breathe properly. That something is holding my lungs and I'm begging for air. And my heart hurts too. Like if that "something" has razor and is cutting it slowly. Since that day I couldn't sleep properly, I couldn't eat normally, I couldn't think clearly. It was eating me alive. 

I heard quiet steps and felt someone's body next to me. 

"May I?" he asked and I nodded. 

"Are you okay, Vics? What is going on with you?" he looked concerned. 

"I'm ... It's just, um ... some family stuff, but nothing serious," I touched his arm. 

"Two days before we came here we had press conference and they asked me if you're my girlfriend," he said and I quickly looked at him. 

"What - what did you say?" 

"That you're my best friend," he tried to smile, but it was very sad. 

"KJ ...," I started, but my voice broke and I started crying. I looked at him. 

"KJ, if I could, I'd give you all my heart, because you deserve it. You're the most exceptional person I've ever met. You're my best friend, my soulmate. I love you and appreciate you so much and it's fucking killing me that I can't love you the way you deserve. I'm sorry that I'm hurting you, I'm such terrible person," I cried harder and he immediately hugged me. 

"No, no! I didn't mean it like that! Look at me, please," he cupped my face in his hands and brushed away tears. 

"You ARE my best friend, my soulmate, Vics. You talk to me normally, you don't sugarcoat anything and you tell me everything how it is. I know that when I have something ... look at me," he whispered again, brushed away another great deal of hot tears with thumbs and continued, "I can call you anytime and you'll listen to me, truly listen to me. It's not about sex for me only, it's about the connection I have with you. You're not complicating things, you told me everything in the beginning and I agreed with it. I love being in our own little world, where it's just two of us. I respect you so much. You're very special to me, trust me," he quietly said looking in my eyes and meaning every word. I started crying even harder.