Snidely Porpington and the Fifth House of Hogwarts

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

In Which Our Hero Attends An Event

Before we join our friends while they tend to their injuries, it is important to first visit the choosing of the champions. Students and Professors from all three schools gathered in the great hall, surrounding the large, impressive goblet in the middle, gazing upon it even as it seemed to pulsate with wisdom.

Dumbledore emerged from the tightly packed crowd and strode confidently to the edge of his age-seeking circle.

"We have gathered here to select our champions," intoned the ancient Headmaster, his perriwinkle blue robes trimmed with bright gold, "so that the few may represent the many, and in doing so, our co-operation may set an example that may serve the many, and not the few."

A great murmur of appreciation spread throughout the hall, many muttering their support of the sentiment and a few going so far as to cheer.

"This will be a dangerous undertaking for all chosen, but I know that whosoever the cup chooses shall be up to the task."

Suddenly, the cup glowed brighter than before, and began to emit a low hum. Blue flames shot out the top, and a single scrap of paper was emitted into the air, immediately caught by the wisened hand of Dumbledore.

"The champion for Durmstrang is... Viktor Krum!"

The Bulgarians in the crowd erupted into raucous Eastern cheers, several thumping Krum on the back, and one joker setting the leg of his pants on fire, causing him to hop about angrily and bash the offender on the nose.

They fell silent as the cup glowed bright again, repeating the flames and paper cannon. The Headmaster once again caught it between his hairy knuckles and held it aloft, eyeing it through half-moon glasses.

"The champion for Beauxbatons is... Fleur Delacour!"

The French contingent made their pleasure known, clapping and laughing as the fetching Fleur took a bow and smiled proudly.

The evening thus far had gone exactly as planned, the only question now being which witch or wizard from Hogwarts would be deemed worthy to represent their peers.

The crowd fell silent as the cup glowed for a third time, spitting out yet another scrap, caught nimbly by the cheerful super-centenarian.

"The champion for Hogwarts is... Cedric Diggory!"

The rest of the hall cheered happily, especially the Hufflepuff students, as this had been the best news received by the house since Ernie McMillan had set a new record for most personal insults given in a school year, more than doubling the next highest number.

The students had already begun to chatter away about the choices of the cup, when the mysterious object began to suddenly glow a fourth time. Dumbledore turned sharply in surprise, the blue glow reflected in his own piercing eyes.

In a moment, a final scrap of paper was emitted, caught once more by the aged hand. Instead of immediately announcing the name as he had thrice before, he now paused, as if stunned by the words confronting him.

Snidely, having pushed his way to the front of the crowd, found himself barely a few feet away from Dumbledore. Peering over his arm, he was just able to make out the words 'Jin Zhi' scrawled on the parchment. The mischievous Chinese Borker had indeed been chosen by the cup.

"Jin Zhi!" Screamed Snidely in jubilation, raising his arms in triumph.

"Och! Shut it, ya wee numpty!" Professor McGonagall hissed in a barely discernible brogue, flicking her wand so that his mouth was magically slammed shut.

Hearing this conspire directly behind him, Dumbledore gathered himself and suddenly shouted "Urgh... Harry Potter. Harry Potter!"

The crowd was in disbelief at the famous fourth year's name being called. Harry himself was nowhere to be seen, as Dumbledore doubled down on his fabrication by shouting his name twice again, each time louder than before.

Harry was pushed out of the crowd, and instantly shoved into a side room by the rampaging Headmaster. Snidely hurried over to the door they had entered and, just before it shut, heard Dumbledore bellow in an ear-shattering roar: "HARRY, DIDJA PUTJER NAME IN DA GOBLET OF FIYAH?!?"

~

Snidely stormed angrily back to the laundry room, his jaw still very stiff and un-cooperative from the lingering effects of McGonagall's hasty spell.

Once inside, he felt himself pulled across the floor to his left, an unseen incantation pulling him into a side room, the door closing sharply behind him. He peered into the darkness, when the torches along the walls suddenly burst into flame, revealing the small, menacing figure of Jin Zhi standing before him.

She was of very slight build, standing well under five feet, and had long, straight black hair, curtaining a set of piercing eyes. The 90 pound magical dynamo strode silently up to the terrified Snidely and spoke in a hushed rage.

"Why you say my fucking name, you blast-ended scrotum?"

"When?!"

"In the crowd, when fourth piece of champion paper ejaculate from cup."

"Ejaculate isn't really the word to use..."

"Shut your crap-hole!" Jin Zhi shouted, furious at being corrected. Her relatively poor English was still a soft spot. "Now tell me why you shout 'Jin Zhi'!"

"I... because I saw the paper in Dumbledore's hand. It said your name! You're the second Hogwarts champion, not Potter!"

Zhi's eyes grew wide at this revelation, and she turned away from Snidely.

"Why he shouted fucking Harry Potter instead of me?" She said, the anger returning to her voice.

"I don't know... I guess he didn't want a Bourgckc champion. Maybe because of all the pranks you pull on him." Snidely shrugged, starting to genuinely feel sorry for Zhi missing out on the honor now.

Suddenly Zhi wheeled around and looked Snidely in the eyes again.

"I'm going to make this stupid Snorkack-dick tournament destroy. You and your ugly little friends will help me do it!"

With that, she stormed out, the door banging behind her, and Snidely was thrown off his balance slightly by a sudden whoosh of angry magical energy emanating from her as she left the room. He knew he had just been drafted for a mission of supreme pettiness, and he was very excited indeed.