Sunflowers - Commentary Community

You + I - WillNE

Sitting in the bar with a drink, all alone, just how I need it. It's funny to think that he's doing same, just somewhere else so far away. Yet here I am, thinking of him, wondering if he's thinking of me. Does the drink even help or has the numbing sensation just ended?

I couldn't say how I felt, because what was the point. He would walk away, ignore it, never listen. So I built up my walls, the same walls he tried to break. But he broke them down in ways he never should.

'You're pathetic!'

'Stop being stupid!'

'Just fucking talk to me, you idiot!'

'How am I meant to help if we don't talk?'

But worst of all,

'You're such an emotional bitch, grow up!'

That was the last thing he said. The last words before I walked out. He broke me that night. But what else did he expect from those words? What makes this worse is that I hate him yet he's all I can think about. I miss him with all my heart, but that was never enough. Maybe sometimes it was too much.

I would wait hours for a message, two words at best. I know he was busy, I know he had his job. But scrolling through Twitter, Instagram, anywhere in fact, and he was there. Active, busy, talking, laughing. Happy. And what was I? The stupid emotional little girl who sat and waited patiently for a message. I honestly thought he care about me. I thought I was something so important to him. How wrong was I?

I'll stay here, drink in hand, alone and waiting for something or someone. Who knows anymore. The drink doesn't wash him away, I'm still here thinking of him. I let the tears fall, why would I stop them? I know they say that you shouldn't cry over someone that's hurt you this bad, but he left me to sink while he swam to the surface with all the praise and all the glory. I should have know it was never him and me. It was always him then me.

He was everything to me, he was my world and my dreams. I obviously wasn't enough for him. I tried to show him how much I loved him, how much I care? I still couldn't say if that was too much, not enough or just so wrong. But my love didn't matter, not compared to hers. She was radiant, the beauty of a Greek goddess. I don't know if we ever crossed, knowing him there was always a chance. I hope she loves him, or do I? I don't know what I want for him any more.

My glass became empty, yet another appeared in front of me. I glanced up, expecting to see him. It wasn't, it was close enough. I looked at the man, who took a seat next to me, his sad smile lingered in his face as he sipped his whiskey.

"James, what are you doing here?" I mumbled, holding all my tears back. James reminded me of him, he was always there, he was the reason we met.

"Listen, okay. I know you don't want to hear this, but he's not doing well." James sighed heavily. He didn't mean to pick sides, but choosing his was the easiest and best option. I was just James' friend from university, he was his best friend, work colleague and lived very close to him.

"You're right, I don't. He has her, I'm here alone. He doesn't care. I'm an emotional little girl, can I go back to drinking in silence please?" I felt my anger build up, but I wasn't James' fault. He was just there. "You know how much I tried James, for what? He was always first, always him then me."

"He misses you."

"Let him. He broke me James, he left me to sink. He never cared. He doesn't miss me, he misses having someone below him."

"What will it take for you to believe me?" James begged, he looked so hurt but I couldn't do this.

"William Lenney does not care and will not care. It was never him and me. William Lenney broke me but at least I tried!"