Sunflowers - Commentary Community

No One - James Marriott

They say you're no one until you're somebody to someone. Those words echoed in James' head whilst he laid in his bed. He hadn't moved for a week, not for anything of importance. Fraser has been bringing meals in but he hadn't really eaten, James had just been picking at it. He couldn't bare the thought of eating.

James knew he needed to move but right now, he couldn't think of anything worse. What if she saw him? What if her friends saw him? He would be embarrassed and wish for his death more than he already had.

It had been a month, but reality only kicked in last week. He soon realised that he was no one. He was nothing anymore. She told him it was over and James, he was hurting but he managed to get by. He pushed himself into his content, he forced himself to be surrounded with friends to put all the questions and thoughts to the back of his head. Those thoughts don't disappear, they just build quietly until they are all that takes over his head. It didn't help that he saw a photo of them splashed across his twitter feed, and then a photo of her with some other guy. Everyone was asking questions and he buried his head into the sand. The boys knew, but the rest of the world was oblivious.

Over the coming weeks he distanced himself even more from social media and his platform. Alex had to beg him to record the podcast, which weeks before he was eager to record. James made a deal that they needed a guest because he had nothing to add to the recording. Alex didn't want to agree but he felt obligated to keep his friend happy.

The recordings were made, edited briefly and uploaded. The fans went wild as always, picking apart comments that were made, taking snippets out of context. The things that always brightened James' day. However, these recordings were different. Clips were made of Alex and the guests but none of James, this wasn't surprising as James wasn't very vocal but it still hurt him intensely. The messages from his fans seemed to slowly fade into nothing the longer he spent away from social media. He felt like a no one more than ever. No one was missing him, no one cared that he was gone. He could see that with his very eyes.

James was on the verge of insanity, all through the ideology of only existing when someone cares or someone misses you. The boys tried hard but James was relentless. Nothing they did or said had any worth. They only cared for themselves, that's all James could process. He couldn't see how much his mental state was affecting the group around him who genuinely cared for him.

James tried to reach out to his ex, with no avail. No replies or even an acknowledgement. He felt broken, he felt more empty than he ever did. She left him on sent, not even on read. He felt at the lowest point he'd ever been. Fraser was at breaking point with him, he couldn't do anything to help this broken man that was his roommate.

James knew he needed someone but didn't want to rely on his friends for help, he needed a support and an answer. He needed a yes man. He turned to Twitter, opening the app for the first time in weeks. His notifications weren't bare but they wasn't anything like he was used to. It's like he was being forgotten by everyone who promised they'd stay if he ever needed a break. The people who told him to focus on himself, they stopped caring. He really was becoming a no one.

JamesMarriottYT: Think it's time for me to do some explaining.

A tweet he knew he'd regret the moment it was sent. He continued to explain the situation behind him and his ex and that he'd appreciate if people gave them both privacy that they deserve. He didn't want her to receive any hate or comments because she deserves the best. He didn't love her, he just missed her. The breakup was a mutual thing but that doesn't make the recovery any easier. The notifications came flooding in and he felt a smile creep on his face.

He got out of bed for the first time without being demanded and he opened the curtains to the bright blinding sunlight. With a big inhale of oxygen, he sighed on the exhale. This was his life, he wasn't somebody to someone but he certainly wasn't a no one. He just needed to tell himself that.

He walked to Fraser and entrapped him in a friendly hug. He felt Fraser jump beneath him but relax when he realised it was just James.

"Thank you, for being a mate I guess." James sighed as he released his friend from his grasp. "I really can't do this on my own."