Sunflowers - Commentary Community

Silence - iNabber

Sitting in silence seemed like the only option, in reality Fraser could have spoken to anyone. Silence was his friend, or so he thought at first. It wasn't until his thoughts took over the silence that he realised the lie he told himself. Sitting in a crowded coffee shop, with his best friends around him, he still felt the need to remain silent. It wasn't that he had no input to the conversation, he just didn't want to listen or even be outside.

James forced him to leave the restraints of his bedroom. He could see that Fraser was struggling and wanted to show him that he wasn't ever alone in the family they created. However, something about those restraints made him feel at home. In a weird and disturbing way. Fraser was enjoying his own time, he just didn't like when the thoughts began to take over. They were also thoughts of relevance. He felt like his opinion and his thoughts never matter, maybe that's because he forced himself into that position.

"Fraser mate, you actually drinking that coffee or not?" James chuckled lightly. He'd been observing his best friend rather intently. James could always read people so clearly yet Fraser was making this difficult. Fraser threw a fake laugh out to the group and sipped slowly.

"I think Leah said she was coming to ours tonight, so we can all have a get together and a drink. What do you say?" Alex smiles intently. Him and Leah were very close, not intimately even though it's clear that is what she wanted.

"I think I'll pass, I've got... editing to do?" Fraser began to doubt himself as he spoke. He hadn't recorded in a week, the boys knew that. He really couldn't fool anyone.

"Oh, okay. James, Will, you guys coming?" Alex asked again. "George you've got no excuse." George smirked. He needed a drink, and he knew he'd have a laugh with the group.

"You know I'll be there, might bring Mia along too!" Will grinned back.

"I might be a little late, got my essay to finish? But I'll definitely be there!" James stared directly at Alex as the words escaped his mouth. He tried so hard to pass over a message, however he knew that Alex hadn't understood.

***

Time passed and everyone had made their way back to their own flats. Fraser attempted to hide away from James because he knew that he would say something. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to speak. He wanted to hide beneath his covers and just forget the world existed around him.

James wasn't a forceful man deep down. He had that persona but he just cared for his friends and sometimes that came out aggressively.

"Fraser, you can't lie to me you know." James sighed from outside Fraser's door. "Let me in please."

"It's open." Fraser mumbled, hoping he wouldn't have heard and walked away. Fraser wasn't ever lucky, his door creaked open to show a solemn expression across the elders face.

"What's bothering you man? Seriously, you're not yourself right now?" James perched on the edge of the bed. He didn't want to disturb the peace but he needed to be there for his roommate and best friend.

"Nothing. Well, not nothing. I don't know..." Fraser's words came out as scrambled as his head was. It wasn't that he wasn't okay, something was bothering him but it didn't matter because he can't control that. "I just, I'm jealous I think."

"Of what? Fraser, you've got everything?" James regretted the words as he said them but it was too late to take them back. Fraser just looked up over his glasses and scoffed. If anyone would understand he was sure it would be James.

The pair sat in an awkward silence for what felt like a lifetime but was only two minutes. The silence was broken by Fraser, "I just, I'll never find happiness."

James was thrown back by this answer. Although Fraser had begun hiding away and being quieter than usual, he never though that he was this unhappy.

"Come on mate, you know life ain't that bad. I know it has its moments but look, you're here aren't you? And you've got all of us to fall on when you need it." James attempted to comfort Fraser who had eventually sat up with his back against the headboard.

"I can't talk to Alex, not about... no doesn't matter." Fraser gave up, he was so close to saying the main thing that bothered him.

"Alex? Well you don't have to speak to him, you can speak to me?" James was confused, what did Alex have to do with this?

"Promise me you won't tell him, or anyone." Fraser begged. James just nodded in reply, allowing him to continue. "It's just, well. He doesn't care does he? Like he has people falling at his feet, desperately in love with him and he just pushes them aside like nothing. I don't have anyone, I just want someone."

"Don't compare yourself to him, you're completely different people. Fraser you're amazing okay!" James didn't know what to say. He knew everything wouldn't be good enough.

"I adore him Alex. In every sense of the word, he means so much to me. But I just want to hurt him because I'm so... jealous. Look at him, he truly has everything and all he does is complain that everything's shit. He has her, and he complains he's lonely. I would.. I'd do anything for her."

"Her? Wait, who's her?"

"Leah. James, I think... I'm in love with Leah."

A/N: I don't really know where this was going. I wrote it over a few days so it feels very jumpy. I'll probably delete this but yes, hello and enjoy. Send me some requests x