Weak

Chapter Seventeen

I look at myself in the mirror. I look like crap. I don't have to baby face that I use to have. My facial hair has grown out and darkness circles my eyes. Black jeans cover my legs and a black hoodie completes my look. Now I blend into the night. I'm someone else—a mystery. I don't know myself. Jay peeks into my room. He looks me up and down and nods.

“Nice. Are you ready?”

“Yes.” I say. My voice low. Jay turns around and walks out of the room.  I follow.  We go in the garage, get into the Lambo and pull out of the driveway. I breathe in and out to calm my nerves. It works. The closer we get, the more ease I feel.

“You're pretty quiet over there, Chase.” I nod and pull my hood over my head. Slouching down in the seat, I just think about my past.

I had a great childhood. Things were much better back then. My parents never fought, I had friends who loved me, I wasn't an outcast and I wasn't bullied. I don't know what happened—what caused everything to change. Nothing on Earth is consistent. It's all just so fragile. All of the inanimate  objects can easily vanish; life could easily vanish. I should have been more appreciative. Maybe this is my punishment—a payment I must make or something.

We're on a road in the middle of nowhere. Woods line the street. The trees seem to blend all together with our increasing speed. The engine revs every once in a while and Jay has the radio low. I look out the window. I'm moving so fast yet time seems to pass so slow. I notice a single drop of rain fall on the tinted window. The drop streams down the glass and when it reaches the end, it vanishes. It's life wasn't long. Once it fell to the Earth, there wasn't much time until it was gone forever. It fell to Hell, though it would soon evaporate to heaven. I'm not going to Heaven.

A little while later, we pull up to a dark place; Jay has turned the headlights off. I could barely see, but it appeared as though we were at an abandoned apartment complex. Windows were busted out and the place just looked run down.

“We're here. We get in and we get, Chase. No playing around.”

“Okay. What's the plan?”

“This guy is a drug dealer. You're just a regular kid wanting to get some dope. You look...well, innocent enough. He won't suspect anything. When he brings you in to get your dope, shoot him and run. Run down the street and I'll swing by and pick you up.” I look at Jay and nod. I don't say anything, I just get out of the car.

“Enter from the front!” Jay calls from the car. I just keep walking. I have my hands in my hoodie pockets. I feel my gun inside. It's cold and I can feel its excitement. It's ready and I'm ready too. A small grin comes across my face as I think about it. I come to the open entrance to the abandoned apartments. I walk in. As soon as one walks in, there's a hallway and a staircase. I hear noise coming from the second story so I walk up the stairs. The floor creaks as I reach the top of the stairs.

Walking down the hall I realize that these really are old apartments. There are candles lit along the long hallway. As I walk I notice some doors are open. I peer into some of them from the corner of my eye. There are people in them. Most are getting high, some sleeping, others receiving pleasure. Prostitutes, drug dealers, addicts, and homeless people—that's what I assume they are but none of them are my guy. I walk until the end of the hall. There's a closed door. If he's not here, I don't know where he would be. I don't want to fail my task so I hope he's here. I knock on the door and wait.

Moments go by but there's no answer. I knock again and try the knob—it's locked. I kick the door in anger.

“Dammit!” I scream and kick the door in anger. I readjust my hood and turn around to walk back to the doorknob. As I'm walking I hear a long creek. I don't pay it any mind.

“Hey you!” A voice says from behind me. I turn around—I've found my guy. He stands with the door halfway open smoking a cigarette. He's shirtless. He has a tattoo across his large belly. “You need dope?”

“Yeah.” I reply.

“Come on in.” he says, motioning me to come in. I walk into his illegal apartment. The apartment is all one room. He walks over to the small kitchen in corner of room. I look to my right. He has a woman in the bed. She quickly covers herself and turns her body to the wall. “How much you need?”

“I have twenty dollars. I—I'm just trying to get a little high, 'ya know?” I didn't really know what to say. I've never purchased drugs. He gives me a suspicious look and then his face eases up a bit.

“You're not familiar with dope are you.” I'm speechless.

“I—I...”

“It's cool kid. I'll hook you up free of charge for one time only. But you got to promise me that you keep coming back. He winks at me and throws me a bag.

“Thanks dude.” This was it. I reach into my pocket as if I was putting the bag in there. I pull out the gun. Time to show your stuff baby. As if in one motion I fire three bullets into the guy's head. Bodily debris flies back onto the cabinets and walls and the woman in the bed screams and covers her head. He falls to the floor.

I turn around and run out of the door. Speeding through the hallway I push someone out of my way. People are screaming. I make it to the staircase, and go down; tripping over every step. I fly out of the exit and down the street. The other abandoned buildings blur in my vision. I'm in a panic mode because I don't see Jay anywhere. I'm in the middle of the street but he's not there as he said he would be. Then I hear a gun shot. I drop low the ground beside a dumpster and cover myself. I thought for sure that I was shot. Moments later a bright beams in my eye.

“Get in!” it's Jay's voice. I get up and run to the car. I swiftly open the door and basically fall in the car. Jay speeds off though my door hasn't been closed yet. I prop myself up, and close the door. Jay is doing over 100 mph. I look over in his direction. He has a huge gash in his arm and blood is spilling like crazy.

“Jay, what happened?” I say, taking off my hoodie and wrapping it around his arm.

“I got into a little altercation. Some dude noticed me and picked a fight. He had a knife, and you see what that did.

“Was that your gunshot?”

“Yes.”

“Did you kill him?”

“I believe so. If not he will die. I don't think anyone will be able to make it to him in time.” Jay is so calm. I'm freaked out. Well, maybe my panic was just from the fact I couldn't find Jay. Yes, that's it. I was fine until then. I'm not really thinking about it. It was sort of fun. The rush of it all; the adrenaline.

We make it home rather quickly. Jay rushes into the house and calls a friend to check out his arm. I go upstairs to my room. My heart is still racing, so I lay down to calm my nerves. I lay on my back and look up at the ceiling. Resting doesn't seem to be working. I turn over on my side facing my night stand. I reach over to turn off the lamp, accidentally bumping the needle that Trisha gave me. It falls to the floor. I pick it up. Holding it in my hand I examine it. I look on the nightstand the bag of heroine is sitting there. I know this stuff is bad for me, but it could make feel better. I give into temptation and shoot up.

This time is way better than last time. I get a quick rush of sensation. It lasts for about two minutes. It becomes a long, repeated process. The feeling is great. My heart is racing from the dope but I'm relaxed as ever. Everything seems to slow down and I feel as though I'm in a trance...