I wake up next to Jake snoring lightly. I groan and rub my eyes a bit. I sit up and stretch a bit and walk to the kitchen. I see Sam and Colby sitting in the living room watching family guy. I walk in and sit down on the bean bag by myself.
Sam looks at me, "why did you sleep with Jake last night." He asks me.
"We had a talk." I whisper, not having much energy. He nods and gets up walking away.
Colby turns off the tv, "laska we need to talk." He says.
I look down at my feet, "I went to sams room to grab your laundry and I went into the bathroom and I found something. I haven't tol Sam yet, cause I thought you should have a chance to explain yourself. Plus Sam is pretty upset." He explains.
My heart drops, I stand up and walk to the front door. Colby follows me. I open the gate and keep walking. "Where the hell are you going?" He calls out.
"Anywhere but here." I respond.
"Laska stop." He says. I take off in a dead sprint and keep running. I hear Colby's voice less and less as my heart races. I finally reach a small park and I sit down on one of the benches out of breath. I look at my phone and see misscalls from the boys. I turn off my phone and tuck it into my pocket. I must of ran for a solid 20 minutes.
I look around blatantly lost and confused. My anxiety at an all time high. Most people would ask why the fuck are you running away. And I couldn't tell you the answer. I had so much anxiety I can't even think straight. I didn't want to go back. Ever. I didn't want to deal with everyone knowing. Plus Sam hating me. I was better off alone.
My phone goes off again and it's Sam,
Sammy: laska, where are you? We're worried about you. Please come home.
I frown. I lock my phone and place it on the table. What the hell am I supposed to do.
I only have a few days till my birthday, I'll have money to get my own place, and live off it forever. I never have to interact with anyone ever again and that brought me comfort.
"I hate you." I whisper to myself. My skin itched as my bad thoughts flooded me.
I get up and walk to the swings of this empty park. I sit down and slightly swing a bit. My phone dings again.
Colby: where the fuck are you Alaska. This isn't funny I'm worried as hell about you. Please I won't tell anyone. Please tell me where you are.
Again I leave him on read, I get another ding.
Sammy: Babe. Please. I'll come get you wherever you are.
I bite my lip. I scream loudly and bite my lip.
I hate myself so fucking much. My phone dings,
Tana: hey come over!
I reply, don't tell the boys. Can you come get me I'm at the park a few miles down from their house?
Tana: I'm actually like almost there I was on my way to the boys' house, I'm around the corner, I won't tell them.
She waves me down and I jog over to her car. I jump in and she drives to a nearby house.
"It's a pharm party, we don't have to go if-"
"Let's go." I smile at her.
she nods and we walk in to a group of frat boys around a table.
"Tana!" They smile and hug her. A few of the boys eye me up and down.
"Here." Tana says and hands me a few bars of Xanax.
"Don't tell the boys." I say before I begin to crush them up and form lines.
"I don't trust me." She says.
I inhale the lines and shuffle. I felt immediately relaxed.
I snort a few more lines and lean back. Tana sparks a blunt and hands it to me, "here b, this ones all you." She smiles.
I smoke it till it's gone and lean back.
I get another message,
Sam: baby, please come home. We've looked everywhere for you. I'm so worried. Please. I'm so sorry.
I frown.
My brain was fuzzy and cloudy. I could barely keep my eyes open.
"You look ripped." Tana laughs.
I smile, "hell yeah brother."
We sit around and talk for a bit before the time was 4 in the afternoon.
I wasn't as fucked up but still pretty out of it.
"Hey Sam is calling me." Tana says.
She answered and goes into another room.
She comes back shortly, "they say they're worried and can't find you?" She says in a questioning tone.
"Yeah...." I whisper.
I snort another line.
