The Bad and Me

The X

I unzipped the compartment with my memory journal in it and took a peek inside it.  I froze, unable to believe what startling image appeared on the pages.  I saw an X marked right outside my garage on the driveway, where Jay was parked or… I took a peek outside to realize Jay’s car was still parked in the driveway as the X made its way to my front door.  I heard a knock at the front door and almost had a heart attack.  

            “Lisa, are you in there?” It was Jay.  His voice rang through my ears and stabbed my heart.  “Hello?” Maybe he would go away if I didn’t answer, but the X didn’t seem to be moving in any direction.  I ran to the door almost tripping on my feet at the thought of having to help Jay, having to manipulate him like I had to with so many before him.  I stood at the barrier separating Jay and me, and knew my mission was clear.  I had to stay friends with Jay while I helped him or else nothing would work.  

            “Jay, why are you still here?”  I questioned after prying the door open.  I tried to link into his thoughts, but wasn’t able to concentrate.

            “You just forgot this,”  he handed me my Biology textbook.  I took it and set it on the table next to my front door.  I focused on his eyes, pretending to be staring at him like I didn’t mean to, but nothing seemed to come through.  Was he just a tough case to crack or was I not focusing hard enough?

            “You all right, Lisa?” he asked.  I snapped back to reality.

            “Yeah, I’m just a little… woozy from the winding car ride.”  I made that up.

            “Sorry, I’m not a very good driver–”

            “Jay, what are you thinking about right now?”

            “Huh? Well I guess you could say I’ve been thinking about… you,” he stammered.

“Wha– me?” Me, he had been thinking about me.  But what’s the harm in that, I didn’t see anything worth trying fixing there.  

“I was worried I left you with regret after hanging out.  I just want you to know I really like you, and I think we could make things work,”  he stated.  

“I like you, too, but why did you act so weird after we kissed?” I asked.

 “I thought I was doing the wrong thing,”  he added.  “I thought you might just want to stay friends and not take things so fast.”

“Jay, you’re the best thing that’s happened in my life,”  I testified, “you make me scared and angry and happy and sad all at the same time.  You make my heart beat out of my chest until I can’t breathe anymore.  You complete me.  I don’t need anyone else but you.”

“I believe you… just don’t raise your hopes up okay? I’m not always going to be the person you want me to be,”  he proclaimed out of nowhere.  What was that supposed to mean? “I like you a lot though, and I hope we can still hang out at school, okay?”

“Sure,”  I snapped.  “I have to go okay?  I’ll see you at school.”  Jay leaned over and kissed my cheek, barely missing my lips.

“Bye,”  he concluded.