Life Musings

Musing 5

When meeting new people, why is it so hard to show off who you are? It's your personality. Your own being. The way your grew to be. However, why is it so hard, that we cannot truly show who we are. I feel like I struggle to show off and be confident with who I am. I don't like coming off strong, which is who I basically am. My remarks are sometimes snarky and mean, but the brutality of what I say can also be super honest. I don't hide behind what I say. The words that come out of my mouth are the words that come out my mouth. I am very loud. Loud to the point that my friends are super embarrassed to be with me in public. But hey, they still love me. I find it harder to show this wild, loud, sharp-tongued, bitchy side of me to new people. When I meet new people, I resort to the mom, super nice, respects everything, talks too much figure. It drives me crazy because all I want to do is make bad jokes, talk in caps and say other nonsense that would come out of my mouth. It makes me feel smaller when people don't accept who you are naturally like loud or quiet. I turn into a turtle when I see people that are able to be unapologetic about who they are. I try to be then I feel it on the other person regardless if it is in person or by text that they do not like or I start to annoy them. I'm basically like a coral. Everything that comes to me starts to stress me out and I eventually will combust from all the stress. I tried to find a boyfriend because my friend was pressuring me to message this guy from a Facebook post that she tagged me in. I didn't feel comfortable enough to do it but I gave in and it felt awkward. I felt that the guy didn't like me and I told my friend but she was saying to just do it. I talked to him didn't work out. I knew in hindsight that he didn't see himself with me. In all and all, I need to work on my confidence. I can talk to anyone in person if I feel comfortable enough, but usually with the shell outer lining that I set up for myself. Whoever is reading this is prolly like, yeah yeah yeah your personality is this and this and you're a self-conscious teen. Well, my good sir, no one is asking you to read it. The way is write is also how I talk. The way I text is how I talk. i see that some people don't text the same way that they talk and it's the same way with me when I first meet people. I feel more comfortable showing off who I am in person then move onto texting and such. This is shorter than my other musings but oh wells. It was a short rant.