Starting Over (G/T)

7

Emma POV 

Even though I couldn't enjoy the Impala the way I used to, something about the Impala just felt like home. It felt right for everyone to be on a hunt and together in the Impala, even though I know that Dean wasn't so sure about it. 

"You know,  I still don't think it's a good idea for you to be up there." Dean said has he continued to drive while everyone else was asleep. 

I sat on the dash, behind the steering wheel and looking out at the open deserted road. If I couldn't sit on the seats and look out the window or hold Dean's hand while he drives then I at least want to sit on the dash to pretend like everything was normal. Even though the kids were sleeping in a cupholder and Sam was holding Amelia in his lap while they both slept. 

"I know, this is the third time you've brought it up." I said has I turned from the windshield and looked to Dean, who was doing the same. 

"You don't like it but I'm just trying to make sure that you stay safe. What if someone see's you or what if we get in an accident..." Dean started but I stopped him. 

"I know! Dean, I love you but I can't handle you doing this." I said has I carefully watched Dean, really not wanting him to get angry at me. 

"Doing what?" Dean asked. 

"You're being very over protective. I can't even enjoy the Impala the same without you hounding me that sitting here isn't safe." I said, and I saw that he was trying to  keep eye contact has long as he could while he was driving. 

"If I was in your position, I know I would be losing my mind. I wouldn't want to rely on someone for everything and I wouldn't want someone telling me how everything's not safe, but Em I'm saying it because it really isn't. Even if I hit the breaks too hard you could fly off. You're so blinded by trying to hold on to independence that you can't see what I clearly can." Dean said. 

"If you can really see things so clearly, then you would see that me sitting in the cup holder with the kids will make me lose it." I said. 

We were driving through the deserted back roads, and even though they were open there were still some woods on either side. Before Dean could've responded, a deer started to walk out on to the road and Dean hit the brakes. Even though the Impala didn't have to come to a screeching halt, it was enough to throw me from the dash and I felt everything in slow motion. I tried to grab on to something, but I just continued to slide and then there was nothing around me. Has the ground started to get closer, I closed my eyes and tried to block out what was happening but I didn't. The ground started lifting me up and I opened my eyes to see that Dean was lifting me up. 

"You okay Em?" Dean asked has I realized that Dean pulled the car over. 

"I'm fine, can you just put me back?" I asked has Dean held his hand out in front of his face, so I was looking at him face to face. 

"Can we try to compromise on this? I almost didn't catch you, so maybe we try something else?" Dean asked, I could tell it was him trying to walk on egg shells. 

The emotions were getting intense for me, feeling like I was literally under a microscope of Dean's gaze. I felt like I was losing my voice, like I couldn't talk back to him and even if I could it wouldn't matter because he could do whatever he wanted anyway. 

"Just put me where you want Dean." I said has I hung my head, not wanting to make eye contact with him anymore.

"I don't want to force you to do anything that you don't want to do. I'm asking for us to talk about it so we can come up with something that we both like." Dean said. 

I looked over at the cupholder with all four kids curled together, Amelia hugging the bottom of Sam's shirt has Sam held her in his lap, and they were all sleeping peacefully. I wanted to feel that peace, to know what it was like to feel okay with what's happening. I really just wish that everything went back to normal. 

"I would like to be five foot seven inches and sitting in the passenger seat, looking in your eyes and knowing that I can go into a hunt that I will be able to tear through monsters the way that I love. I want to be the woman that was able to save your ass, not the woman that will just sit on the sidelines."  I said. 

Dean looked over at his sleeping brother, and then back to me. "I think I might have an idea. It's not exactly eye to eye but it can come close." Dean smirked has he started to move his hand up to be right next to his shoulder. 

"You want me to sit on your shoulder?" I asked has I had to crane my neck up to try and look in his bright green eyes. 

"Just give it a try, if you don't like it then we can do something else." Dean said and I climbed off his hand. 

Since Dean was wearing his usual get up, with a black t shirt under a casual button up. When I got on his shoulder, I stayed close to his neck and let myself hold on to the collar of his shirt. I could also tell that every little move I make causes Dean to completely tense up, I can feel every muscle beneath me cringe has I move around to comfortable. 

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked. 

"What do you mean?" He asked has he pulled the Impala back out to the open road. 

"I can feel how tense you are with me sitting up here." I said. 

"Just a little more aware is all. Feels nice have an extra pair of eyes for driving, can never be to careful while driving baby." Dean said and even though I wasn't able to see his entire face, I could tell he was smirking. 

I watched the road for awhile has we drove and eventually I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I slowly shifted so I was laying down, using Dean's shirt has a blanket and cuddling next to Dean's neck. 

"Need me to take a turn driving?" I sleepily joked. 

"I think I can handle it. Grab a few hours, we still have a little bit to go before we can find a motel." Dean said. 

Has I laid against his neck, I slowly took my finger and lightly traced little shapes in his skin. For a moment, looking out to the road and being so close with Dean without being in his hand, I almost felt at peace. 

"I love you." I said, almost so quietly that I wasn't sure if he was going to hear me. 

"You always did have a thing for taller guys." Dean said and I could tell that he was smirking again. 

"And you always had a thing for the hard headed girls. Sorry for that by the way." I said. 

"I wouldn't have it any other way. You know Em, I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do. I know that if I was in your position, that if someone just did that to me then I would lose it." Dean said. 

I was starting to drift to sleep, the exhaustion finally really taking over, and luckily I heard Dean right before I did. 

"I love you Em." Dean said.