All These Years

Chapter 9

I awoke in darkness. My heart rate quickened as I took a second to realize where I was. This was definitely not my bed. As my eyes adjusted to the dark realization finally hit me. I looked to my left and saw Shane sleeping soundly on the pillow next to me. He was as beautiful as I had always remembered him. His features were more defined and his hair was a tad longer than I remember him wearing it, but he was Shane, my Shane. I sat up in the sheets pulling my knees to my bare chest losing myself in memories.

I knew that Shane would always be a part of me during my freshman year. I thought back to that time, as I often did, remembering how simple our lives were. I wouldn't consider myself a popular kid in high school and it showed. I often sat alone for lunch in high school, until one eventful day. Gavin Hester was the class bully and this day I was his unexpecting victim. Gavin launched an apple towards my table as I sat there face buried in my favorite copy of Wuthering Heights. From that day until graduation Gavin swore he was only aiming for my table, so the apple would bust and fly everywhere. However intention or not, that was not what happened.

That silky Granny Smith apple hit me square in the eye, busting and sending bits of apple everywhere. The cafeteria went silent right before the crack of the apple and subsequently the crack of my nose. I was blinded by sharp pain and pulverized apple. All I could do was gasp when I felt warm liquid run down onto my lips. My nose was definitely broken and I could feel my right eye already starting to swell shut.

Suddenly I felt arms wrap around me and lift me up, whisking me off somewhere. Laugher erupted off in the distance behind and the shock finally wore off. My nose was actually broken. I opened my eyes with small chunks of apple sitting on my eyelashes and saw Shane carrying me. Tears mixed with blood and apple as they streamed down my face. The next thing I knew we were in the boys bathroom and Shane sat me on the floor. My body started to shake as my sobs filled the solid white bathroom lined with porcelain sinks and urinals.

' Thea' Shane said squatting in front of me, ' here hold these paper towels under your nose. They are wet.'

Blinding white light exploded in my vision as I did. It was excruciating. This was the first bone I'd ever broken and I made sure it would be my last.

'I'm gonna put these paper towels on your eye, its gonna feel better eventually but youre definitely gonna have a black eye.'

Colors filled my vision like fireworks as he placed a wet paper towel on my eye that I could feel had already swollen shut. This was the worst day of my life and it was only the beginning of my high school career.

After that day Shane and I were inseparable. We had always been friends but after the apple incident he was always at my side, protecting me when I felt threatened and always being there when I needed a friend. We spent our summers always together driving everywhere we could in our small town outside the city. At the time it never occurred to me to question why we never spent time at his house or why I hadn't even seen where Shane lived. I wish I had though.

Then one day during our senior year, Shane's father died and everything changed. We quit hanging out outside of school, he was withdrawn and he quit talking to me about everything. I had figured it was grief, but now looking back I wondered if this life was the cause, if he was trying to separate himself from me mentally so it didn't hurt so bad when he left. Even still, my love for my best friend never changed, and when the day came that we graduated and he was just gone I was devastated. I never understood how he could have just left without telling me why or saying goodbye.

I felt my breathing even out as I took in my surroundings once more. Looking out the massive wall window the snow was still falling to the streets below peacefully. I startled at the feel of shanes hand running along my back suddenly. He sat up alongside me still tracing my spine with his fingertips.

" Why are you awake love?" He whispered into my disheveled hair, his breath tickling my ear.

" I was confused as to where I was. Then I got to thinking about high school and you of course." I admitted

" me? And just what about me were you thinking about?" I could hear him smirking

" I was thinking about how it all makes sense now, how everything changed after your dad passed away, and this was the reason."

Shane shifted next to me causing the bed to dip under his weight, he sighed in the process.

" you know, I've thought about the decisions I've made since then every single day. I wondered constantly if keeping you out of my life was better than keeping you as close as I wanted. I protected you everyday in high school but I did what I thought was best. I couldnt justify dragging you into this. But I was heartbroken Thea. I wanted you.
"I became a different person to live this life and survive. when you love someone you protect them from the world. I felt like that was what i was doing even though I was miserable without you. Honestly, I don't know where we stand, and I don't know what you think of my life. All I do know is that every time i think of you, I want nothing more than to be with you. Am I being selfish? "

" I think we both have spent this time apart constantly needing each other," I wispered turning to face him to continue " if you're being selfish then so am I, but honestly I want you to be selfish with me. All I want is to be with you when I think about you too. That kind of attraction shouldn't be denied."

My lengthy hair cascaded down over my bare chest providing me with a natural cover up. Shane brought his hand up rubbing my cheek with his thumb as he cupped my face in his palm.

" once I heard what happened to you, I was done staying away. It taught me that what I was doing wasn't really protecting you. I was just making myself miserable And not being there when you needed me the most." He paused and the air in the room started blazing " I should have been there. I should have told you what you meant to me back then. There is so much I wish I could change but I know I can't change the past I can only make up for it."

I knew that all these years apart would alway be with me but being here now, in bed with Shane, the pain in my heart hurt a lot less. I knew that no matter what he would be there for me now. That's just who he was as a person. This time spent apart wouldn't matter eventually.

Right now I knew what I wanted and that was Shane. I repositioned myself and brought my leg over him, sitting in his lap facing him. Shane let go of my face and brushed my hair behind my shoulders baring my chest inches in front of his lips. Neither one of us had bothered to replace our clothes before we had fallen asleep and for that I was grateful. I closed the space between our faces and opened his mouth with my tongue, finding his waiting for me. Shane's body responded to our kiss and I pulled away smiling down at him. Lifting my hips off him to slide him back into me, I reveled in how his grip on my hips tightened.

The glistening snow covered city was the only thing lighting the massive bedroom. I had never felt this intensely about any other man in my life and I knew I never would. I'd been through a hell of a couple years and I was finally feeling satisfied with my life.

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