Born To Die ~ Jachary AU

Death."

Little Do You Know
"Underneath it all, I'm held captive by the hole inside..."

"Fucking hell."

I groaned as I tossed and turned in the unfamiliar bed. I couldn't sleep, I haven't slept since I was kicked out from my only home, and that was almost four days ago. I haven't ate much either, or left this unfamiliar room.

I'm staying in the guest room of Zach's house. To be honest, I really wanted to sleep in Zach's room, but he insisted that we both would need our space eventually, and even though I hated it, he was right.

He also said he needed time to think. About what happened, the kiss. Though, he didn't say that exactly, I knew that's wheat he meant.

He was scared, he hadn't admitted it, I could tell. I've known Zach long enough to be able to tell what he's feeling. And I don't blame him for being scared, I mean, I fuck everything that walks. But, now that I've kissed Zach, I regret all of that.

I should've just accepted the fact that I wanted to be with him a long time ago. I felt the feelings, but I pushed them away. Constantly pushing them away only to sleep with a different girl everyday. It was like I was trying to convince myself I was straight, but now I see I was only making myself look like a complete dick. And in Zach's eyes, some one he could t trust with his heart.

And I hate myself for that.

My entire life, Zach and I have done nothing but trust each other, with everything. Now, he's just kept his distance. And it's slowly killing me from the inside out. I just want to cuddle him and tell him that I would never deceive him, that I would always cherish him and his feelings. But, knowing my reputation, I wouldn't even believe myself.

I'm such a fuck up.

I finally find a semi comfortable spot, laying on my back, staring at the ceiling with a frown.

"Fuck it."

I push myself from the uncomfortable bed, shivering as my feet hit the cold wooden floor. I glance at the clock, it's late, Zach will be asleep, but it doesn't matter. It's torture not being able to talk to my best and closest friend. Probably my favorite person in the world.

I leave the room quietly, looking down the eerie hallway. I look at the door across the room that I now call mine of I really wanted to. The door way parted open, and I could hear the sound of a fan and the strumming of a guitar coming from the room, along with some beautiful humming. A soft blue light came from the room, and I knew Zach was awake.

I crossed the hallway quietly, pushing the white door open cautiously, and I smiled at the sight before me.

I leaned against the door frame as I looked upon the beautiful boy strumming a brown guitar, humming a song that I was not familiar of. His hair was messy, as if he had tossed and turned all night like I had. My hair probably looked about the same. His eyes were closed, so he probably didn't know I was here, admiring his beauty silently. But my eyebrows furrowed, and I frowned. His eyes were puffy, his nose red, and there were large tears slowly streaming down his cheeks. His eyebrows were furrowed as well, but not in concern like mine are, but in... frustration? I desperately wanted to rush toward and scoop up the younger boy in my arms and squeeze and comfort him. But I can't do that, he made it very clear that he needed as much space as he could get. Even though he never said those words, I am his best friend, I can just tell.

Although, the fact that we haven't really talked in days is devastating to me. We've been nearly inseparable since we were two, before our mothers hated each other, and our fathers left. We've been there for each other ever since I can remember, and I hate the fact that, even though I know how he's feeling, I have no idea what's going through his head. We always tell each other everything we are thinking, and now I don't know anything, or, it feels like that.

Zach suddenly stops what he's doing, and his big brown eyes flutter open and rest on the floor in front of him. "Can't sleep?" He asks.

I freeze, staring at him. "I... I, uh," I clear my throat, "How did you...?"

Zach chuckles to himself, bringing his hands up to his face to wipe away the tears from his naturally blushing cheeks. "Jack, I get this feeling, like I know you're close to me whenever you're in the room." Zach finally lifts his eyes up to meet mine, "The feeling is extremely hard to ignore."

I look down at my feet and nod, "Is it a uncomfortable feeling?" I ask, "I can leave, I just wanted to check up on yo-"

"Jack." Zach cuts me off, my name coming from his mouth in a breathy whisper that made a shiver run down my spine. A small, dopey smile lifted his lips, but it didn't look real. Which bugs me. "You're fine."

I look to the side, and my jaw clenches. "Zach, I know you're lying." I whisper back, afraid to look him back in the eyes, afraid that I might see rejection in them. Afraid of the feeling that is sitting in the pit of my stomach.

I here Zach sigh from the bed, and it's a moment before he says anything. But his words surprise me, making me flinch at the sudden sound of his melodic voice. "C'mere." He says.

I look back towards him to see the silent plead in his eyes, a plead that is screaming for me to obey his orders. And I almost do.

"Zach, I know you." I mumble, "A d as much as I want to comply, I just can't." I say as I stare into his gorgeous brown eyes that are full of so many mixed and unfamiliar emotions.

"Why?"

I stare into his big brown eyes, and I almost run into his arms and smash my lips against his. Instead, I shake my head, "Because I know you need space, and I know you need time to think, I know how your mind works." Zach looks away and swallows as I continue, "You said you needed time to think, and we both know that you still need time, ba-" I stop and clear my throat, and Zach's head snaps up at me with wide eyes, and a small blush on his face, "Zach." I correct myself.

Zach once again sighs, and he folds his legs under him, and he leans on the edge of the bed. "You're right." He says quietly, without looking me in the eyes, and I nod.

"I always am, Z." I smirk at him, and after a moment Zach chuckles breathily.

"Oh, fuck off."