To The One I Will Always Love ✔

Chapter 1: Pain

Edited: 10.28.2021

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Chapter 1: Pain

Five weeks.

Three days.

Fourteen hours.

Eighteen minutes.

The time that went by since an incurable pain had settled and made its home in my chest. How did one go on with life with such pain? How did one live without their love? What happened then?

Cancer. The deadliest disease that made death almost look pleasant. I had seen people pass from the illness before, distant relatives mostly, but it was never one who was closer to me than anyone else. It was never one who I held dearest.

The pain was much more agonizing than anything I had ever felt. Someone had grabbed a knife, stabbed it in my heart and he twisted and pulled and twisted some more, but he never took it out. No matter how much begging and pleading passed, the knife would always be there, creating souring pain when you had thought the pain couldn't be worse.

Emily. My dear Emily. Why did it have to happen to her? Why did it have to happen to us? We were on the highest we had ever been, barely been engaged for two months. And then everything stopped. The world stopped spinning and that knife was already aimed at us. It was itching to get closer, but we didn't let it happen. We refused to until the words 'terminal' fell out of her doctor's mouth. The knife was pressing against our chests and it was already breaking skin, blood trickling down.

Yet it could never prepare for the panic and emptiness that coursed through me when I didn't see her chest rise and fall anymore, when I couldn't hear the soft breaths leaving her lips.

I had woken up from a quick nap. My hand was still clutching hers, the coolness a big contrast to my warmth. My hand was wrapped around hers a lot in the past months as I hoped for a miracle that could grow from our touching palms, but it was in vain. Her eyes were shut when I woke, so instantly I checked on her chest and then her stomach. But there was no movement. It was completely still.

Something dropped in my stomach, something heavy and making me feel sick. My heartbeat accelerated and my breathing quickened and became ragged as I stood over her still body. I shook her, but there was no response. I shook her again and called out her name softly, but nothing happened. Her eyes stayed closed and her body unmoved. A lump formed in my throat and my hands were trembling as I pressed on the red button continuously, never stopping in fear it would make her heartbeat stop.

A nurse walked in, but she was gone quickly, fetching a doctor. A whole team of six followed and one of them urged me to calm down. Only then I realized I was breathing heavily with tears streaming down my face. I was also holding Emily's hand tightly, not daring to let her go. Every second counted in that moment.

They took her away and I walked with her as far as I could go with. I couldn't lose her, not yet. It would be too early for that. Besides I hadn't said goodbye properly.

I called my parents, because Emily's parents were already on the way. They were called in as soon as the nurse had alarmed her doctor. As soon as they arrived, I enlightened what I knew, which wasn't much. My parents didn't come much later and in a pained and worried silence, all praying for the young girl we all loved so much yet so differently, we waited.

An hour passed with no news and my nerves sky-rocketed. My mother assured me no news should be good news, but deep down I knew it wasn't going to end up good. This time we wouldn't be so lucky. Emily wouldn't be lucky, wouldn't be given some more time.