After losing his fiancé, Thomas has to go through one of the hardest things a person can ever face; the death of a loved one. He is torn to threads, in complete disbelief the love of his life is gone and will never come back. Moving on isn't somethi...
It has been six years since you left this earth and ever since I haven't been the same. My whole world was flipped upside down without warning and I was left alone to figure out how to turn it back. Let me tell, that proved to be more difficult than anyone could have ever imagined.
You said goodbye in a letter and so, six years later, I do the same. I am trying to write a proper farewell, in hopes I can focus on the future fully from my now on. I have to continue my life no matter how painful it is to say goodbye to you, the one I have loved more than anyone in this world.
If you have watched me from above, you know how I've been. A mess, hopeless, broken, numb. Gosh, Emily, those first months without you have been hell. They all went by in a blur, every day was the same. Those days are all covered in pain and loneliness. I have felt so alone, so awfully alone. The pain endured for so long eventually I felt numb. I drank and drank. I smoked and smoked. I did everything to not feel pain anymore, to not feel anymore. Nothing helped though, because what did I even think? Being okay with living without you.
Still, it is a crazy thought and yet I am doing it. I live without you and a big part of me is alright with that. It costed me some time and effort, but I am living.
I met someone by the way, Kayleigh. We used to be best friends when we were kids and I bumped into her in the grocery store. She helped me through everything and I am sure you would have loved her. She is kind, sweet, hardworking, kicks me underneath my arse when it is needed. She is my wife now, and the mother of my son. His name is Axel and he is the perfect mix of us. He has black hair, but brown eyes like mine and his character is a lot like me too yet there are moments he act just like his mother. I wish you could meet him. And good news, we are expecting another child! We don't know the gender yet, but deep down I hope it is a girl. If it is, we plan on naming it after you.
We moved, too. Kayleigh used to live with me, in our apartment, because I couldn't part with it. But a year before Axel was born, we moved away. It was becoming too small for a family and I didn't want to raise my children in the apartment you also lived in. It is better this way though.
It is going good for me. I am happy and living my life like how I have always wished to spent it, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you anymore. Because I do. There doesn't go a day by where I don't miss your laugh, or your hugs, or your comforting words and voice. I miss you still. I miss feeling at home and even though I am at home with the people I love, it is not quite how you made me feel.
Sometimes, especially a few years ago, I have wished I could turn it all around. I wished I could have taken your place and you would have lived. I wished there was something I could do or said to make it all better, but there wasn't. I couldn't stop the pain or the dreadful treatments or the illness from spreading. If I could, Emily, I would have.
Sometimes I dream of you. You are standing right in front of me, wearing that beautiful smile of yours. You would giggle at the joke I have made and you would slap my chest playfully, telling me to quit it, but deep down you love it more than anything. And then you would lean closer and brush your lips against mine, kissing me ever so tenderly as you always could. Then I would wake up and feel the ghost of your kiss against my lips.
Emily, my love, things turned out differently than we expected, didn't it? Terribly different. We have seen the sky so high we were, but we have also seen rock bottom. I guess losing you was my rock bottom. For you, was it hearing that awful diagnoses or were it all those treatments that made you so miserable? Or was it leaving your family behind? Or me?
We had so many plans together and with a few simple words, put together in one sentence wrongly, everything was brought to the ground. Sometimes there is this nagging feeling, something that tugs at me, when I am smiling and living my life. It makes me realize how we had planned to do that and how we aren't able to experience those moments together. Only I can and I am sorry for that.
Emily... I hope you are proud of me. I hope you look down at me and most of all, I hope you can forgive me. Forgive me for all the things I have done and said, for all the times I didn't love you right. Forgive me for the moments where we were mad and angry at each other. I never meant to hurt you like I have done in the past.
Just remember I have always wanted to look out for you, to protect you, to show how much I have loved you. I wish I can still show you how much I love you. You don't deserve the bad things that has happened to you. You deserve to live and laugh, to be yourself. I assumed God has had other plans for you.
I am running out of things to say, for now. Em, I want you to know my love hasn't died when you did. I will love you for the rest of my life, even if you aren't here anymore, even if I have a family of my own.
You are the one I will always love. Nothing will ever change that.
I love you, my dear angel. We will meet one day again.
Love,
Your Thomas"
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12.7.2021
Hello!
First of all, I'm sorry for being absent for a while. It feels it has been a long time since I have shown my existence here.
Anyway... the epilogue is up and that means the last chapter of this book has arrived. I cannot believe it is already the last chapter and so it also means the full story is online and for everyone to read!
When I wrote this for the first time (around two years ago), I started this story inspired by the song 'Someone You Loved' by Lewis Capaldi. I was inspired by the mv that belongs to it and I needed to write a story about it. Now, two years later, I've written, uploaded, revised and rewritten it, so a whole new version is out! In those two years lots of things have changed and passed, but I am proud of how this story turned out to be.
I wanna thank you, the reader, for actually reading it. You've given it time and attention, and I cannot express how grateful I am for your time. It means a lot to me. Thank you for reading, voting and commenting. Thank you for sharing if you did!
I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!!
This story has come to an end, but many other stories will follow. Two of them are available to read. You can find them on my profile :).
Have a great day or evening/night, and hopefully I will see you in any other story I have written and/or will write!
Till another time <3
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