My memory of having the time of my life consist of good foods to eat, awesome musics and spectacular books to devour.
Also, never forget cloudy or better yet rainy days to chill and have your own world to be happy with.
But I always forget that after all the fun you'll realized then what reality really means.
After that stage you will be left with all the negative thoughts that will surely drive you through sadness and the most common part that can be easily detected, depression.
I never thought that I will be swimming through that stage because I keep on saying that with all the dramas from family to friends I would still be able to stand secured with sureness that I could still pass this. That I'm a fighter. That I woke up today because I have a mission.
But,
When your left with nothing but being your own kind of cheerleader then that's where you will thought about being a person who never depends on others.
I realize then that you could do whatever you want to start kicking back on where to begin. Then I do crazy stuff that I always quote it with, "Do what you think is going to be better." and if that thing resulted some dumb fuck cases then I quote, "You never know what's right or wrong so better start cleaning this shit than be a bitch." So yeah pretty much I'm like the person who eventually swallows 'move on' then chew 'suck it up kid.'
Cuz you know what?, hanging from the past will only damage your present and future.
After all that we still can't do that perfectly right?
That's why I'm here sitting abnormally and aggressively writing on my journal after having an ugly argument from my mother.
I can't easily forget things, things that hurt me the most.
I may not have photographic memory but my feelings are the one that controls me from the very start of interacting others to having an ugly relationship with them.
I can't exactly remember how things came out but the anger, sadness, hurt and all the negativity I developed from my past are the one that keeps me from being happy and normal.
So basically I need to choose from whats the best to I don't think this will work out.
The stupid thing is being in control because you can easily choose things that for only today would matter and that's giving up not move your ass bitch. I sometimes think of myself 'what it feels like being a robot' in which what you desire to come out will be secured because you don't have to feel anything but be drained from all the work.
Because if you want anything to work I think you need to set aside your needs and happiness and let suffering be your everyday satisfaction.
Are you okay Delphi?
