"Hey, you okay?"
No
"Yes." I said smiling widely.
That's what I do to make my days a little bit brighter than the gloomy once.
I just read a book where two people talk about their past and how they blamed their selves and pat each others back saying, "That isn't your fault. Your not the one who pulled the trigger." While the other one said, "That isn't your fault too. Your not the one who's driving the car when it crashed on your grandparent's car." So I'm like don't do stupid decisions just because your bored or angry but anyways lesson learned. We have different ways how to cope up such emotions and feelings. Just don't do things that there's a bigger chance that could ruin you. Think about who's there for you or who will be there for you when you've done stupid shit.
×××
Need, not really, okay-
"Delphina!"
Fuck! where did I inserted it?
"Del?!" An aggressive tone I heard near by the stair.
I roughly opened the door, "What?!"
"What time will you wash this mountains of plates and utensils?!" My mom said using a tone that says I'm-so-tired-of-reminding-you-always.
Noise of crying, swearing, keyboard being slam, movie volume being raised and other crazy stuff are heard below.
"I will do that okay?! Just later! Ughh!" I said half frustrated and half tired.
"Yeah, then your later became tomorrow?"
"Whatever" I muttered slamming the door and proceed on finding that stupid lesson guide that I copied during our math discussions. I need those because as you can already tell I'm dumb at it. My scores during quizzes and test are barely passing.
I can't be lazy again. I need to suck it up.
Thinking about all this crazy stuff made me always stop and stare at nothing. I kept on telling myself that swearing and reminiscing well get me nowhere. I can't help it. Every time I felt miserable and can't handle things I feel like fucking it all up by listening to music and read books that are not classified as helpful to me in school matters until dead from tiredness. So what I do to avoid that because I know I'll regret in the end is to be calm first and think of better days to come.
Swearing helps a lot too but I avoid saying it in front of the others just when I'm alone and with my thoughts being all over the place. Literally.
×××
12:46 a.m.
I decided to retire from my demonic room and do my chore.
Just when I came down I see it and them. Ew.
Cockroaches and lizards are in everywhere. They can be counted not that literal many but enough to provoke warning signals and thoughts of, 'Maybe I can do it tomorrow.' Nope.
Tomorrow will only wake me early and that sucks. If I do that then its better to just rip my eyes out of my skull.
I can do this.
Fuck. No!.
Yes Del, just suck it up. No one would do that for you. If you didn't your mom will waste another saliva because of you not being responsible from your task then you'll just leave it like that because you will woke up really late because you really couldn't dare to suck morning up then she'll do your task because you need to go to school and because your tardiness will be adding up then you'll have suspension so she doesn't have a choice but to let you go leaving the plates and other utensils not washed. Then she'll do your job for you which lead her to 'maybe' cramps or swelling of her ankle, again because of prolong standing that the doctor warned her many times. Oh! She would also suffer in muscle pain on her arms and shoulder because after that she'll do the laundry, cleaning, cooking and shits. So no!, suck it up.
So yeah. I took one step downstairs and another until I reach the sink and prayed for my life.
Please do not come for me, bitch of a lizard and don't you dare fly on me you devil cockroach.
