Fever Dream || Frank Iero

.28.

The time came for the first show after the indecent with Gerard two days later, and truth be told, we were a little nervous. We all let him know that there was no shame in cancelling the rest of the tour in order to recover, but being the machine he is, Gerard paid no mind. He pledged to remain sober, something we all supported wholeheartedly. It wasn't that we didn't have faith in him- we just worried about the amount of stress it might be on him.

    The band huddled in a circle backstage, the crowd murmuring on the opposite side of the wall. I watched them closely, not helping but to smile at how close they all were with one another. Before beginning their pre-show ritual, Gerard popped his head up from the circle and pointed at me, waving me over. I tilted my head in question with a sideways smile, and he only motioned more aggressively.

    "Gerard, i'm not in the band, you know that right?" I laughed as I entered the circle, Frank breaking the link to let me in. He gave a secret squeeze to my waist before putting his hand around my shoulder, causing my face to flush over red.

    "You're right, but this is important," He smiled, looking at the others. "We want to officially anoint you into the family."

    "What?" I giggled again, still confused by the gesture.

    "We all made a promise to each other a long time ago that no matter what happened, we were going to be together, even if we were a million miles apart. We want you in on the promise."

    "I don't, I think you're gross," Ray joked. I erupted into laughter, warmth enveloping my body.

    "Ray come on dude you're ruining it," Gerard laughed. "This is my first sober show, and its because of you, kid. You're stuck with us. Are you in?"

    I paused, looking around the circle. I wanted to take in that moment as much as I could- take a picture of each smiling face looking back at me and keep it in my back pocket forever. For the first time in my life I had felt like I was truly a part of something special, something irreplaceable. I had found a home in each one of them, some small piece of something I was searching for.

    In Mikey, the quiet and unsuspecting brilliance at just the right times. In Bob, the stern but sarcastic humor. In Ray, the strange and modest talent. In Gerard, the destructive passion that brings even the most detached to their knees. In Frank, the terrifying but exciting mystery of just letting go.

    I took one last look at Gerard before biting my lip, letting the last little bit of happiness trickle from those few minutes. I wanted to absorb every second I could, not knowing if I would ever get the feeling I had in that moment ever again.

    "I'm all the way in," I finally said, my cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling.

    Ray shook my shoulders, and the others piled in for a hug before going their separate ways to get ready to go onstage. I stood and watched them as they scurried away, my heart feeling full.

    "Hey."

    I heard the voice behind me, but had no chance to see who it was before I felt an arm wrap around the side of my waist, pulling me in the corner. Frank stood me against the wall as people passed by, my breath suddenly becoming short again.

    "Hi," I said, my heart beat growing quicker.

    "I just, uh..." He ran a hand behind his neck, chuckling quietly. "I don't know. I wanted to tell you that what you did was really big."

    I had never seen him as nervous as he was acting and it threw me off- on any given day there was no hesitation when it came to talking to me.

    "What do you mean?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound as flustered as I felt.

    "With Gerard. I don't want to admit it, but we were all pretty scared. And you just went in there like it was nothing."

    "Oh Frank I don't know about that," I laughed. "I was terrified."

    "It doesn't matter. You still did what we all didn't have the balls to do."

    I looked down at the ground, trying to formulate some sort of coherent response.

    "I don't know. I guess the fear of being hurt is worth trying to take away someone else's."

    He smiled that signature sideways smile, looking away from me as if he were deep in thought. Someone called after him from backstage to get ready, interrupting whatever response he may have been ready to give.

    "I have to go," He said, quickly looking over his shoulder. "I'll see you, Bambi."

    He walked away, and I felt cheated. I wanted to hear more, despite every other part of me screaming that I shouldn't care.

    Frank had a strange pull on me, and even though he frustrated me 80% of the time, I didn't want the conversation to end. So I stood and waited on the edge of the stage as the band poured onstage, my heart pounding at the thought that maybe he was something more than a sleazy guy trying to get my attention. The lights flashed rapidly, and without hearing a thing, I watched him as he looked me in the eye from across the stage, that unwelcome but increasingly familiar electricity shooting down my spine once again.