Fever Dream || Frank Iero

.34.

The show ended, and I felt emotionally exhausted. Not just from Frank, but from knowing that this would all be over tomorrow and I would have to return to the life that I didn't even want anymore. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but no one was around. Jessica was off doing god knows what with Pete, Gerard was meeting a few fans inside, and everyone else was off doing whatever they wanted.

The sky was completely clear that night, our last stop being in the south. The venue was in the middle of nowhere, streetlights few and far between. The late August air blew through the trees around the lot, and I breathed it all in as much as I could. I wasn't ready for summer to end- I wondered if just one more month would be enough for me to figure it all out. Maybe it would be enough time to dig my bare feet in the grass and hear the cicadas sing long enough to feel full. Long enough to understand why I feel the way I do.

I looked up and saw the stars as clear as I ever have- something I didn't experience back home in the city. The sky was always so polluted with artificial light that we would all be lucky to spot the little dipper from where we stood, and even then it was questionable whether it was a constellation or just a collection of airplanes. Walking toward the grass beyond the lot, I sat myself down and laid back.

The dew sitting upon the grass melted into my skin as I looked up, my hair tangling with the blades below me. The sky was scattered with them- the empty space was few and far between, and it made me feel calm. Other than the faint music on the other side of the lot, there was mostly silence in the small field as I looked upward. I thought about all of the things that I was so scared of, that didn't scare me anymore. I thought about the one thing that didn't scare me, that scared me now. It's funny how that works.

I laid there for a while, my arms spread out in the grass. I knew we had to leave early in the morning to go home, but I didn't care. The others were out partying and living up the last few hours of tour, and all I wanted to do was soak up these last few hours of a summer night, under the stars.

I heard the grass rustle in the distance as if someone was walking toward me, but I didn't bother to look up. I assumed it was Gerard or Jessica coming to look for me, but no one spoke as they approached me in the field. They simply laid down beside me and remained silent, the only sound being their light breathing next to me.

"We don't get this kind of treatment from mother nature in Jersey, huh?"

The moment I heard that voice I realized it was Frank that laid down next to me, and my breathing nearly stopped. After leaving the note in his bunk I didn't expect to speak with him again until I left, if at all. Though I was grateful for the chance to talk again, I was equally as concerned that it would only dig the knife in deeper.

I wanted to look over and see his face, but my nerves only grew and my eyes remained locked on the constellations above us.

"Have you ever seen stars like this?" I asked softly, trying not to sound as anxious as I felt.

"A few times on past tours, yeah. It never gets old."

A smile tugged at my lips as the silence became more comfortable. For a second it almost felt like nothing was ever wrong, and I relished in the feeling knowing that it wouldn't last long. We laid there for a while, wind occasionally rushing down our bodies. I could hear Frank moving a little, and I finally gave in to turning my head to look at him. I was met with his eyes looking back at me, the space between us feeling like torture.

Moonlight blanketed his face, hitting the sweet spots in his eyes that always seemed to make them glow. I ran my gaze down his jawline to the soft of his lips, a mental picture I never wanted to lose. If there was one face I refused to ever forget, it was Frank's.

I gave him a half smile before turning my face back up to the sky, himself doing the same. There was a few more minutes of silence as we laid there, nothing surrounding us but the sounds of summer.

"So what are you going to do?" Frank finally spoke up again.

"What do you mean?"

"When you go back home tomorrow, what are you going to do?"

I let out an exasperated sigh, hoping I didn't have to think about that until I stepped in front of my apartment again. The truth was, I didn't know what I was going to do. I had no job, no family. No prospect of what I really wanted to do. All I knew was that whatever I was doing before I came on tour wasn't even what I wanted.

"I don't really know," I muttered, watching the slow shift in the stars. "Back home I was always somebody's something. You're my photographer, my backup plan, my ride. I feel like that's all I ever heard from everyone. Maybe I just want to get out of where i'm at and not be anything at all."

Frank said nothing in return, still looking up. I could have probably laid there forever knowing he was there next to me, even if words weren't said. It just felt good- even if it wasn't something I was meant to have.

Minutes of silence passed and the grass rustled ever so slightly, my eyes not tearing away from the sky. Skin touched my outstretched hand- Frank's hand quietly grasping mine. A rush of warmth came over me and I tried to hold back a smile, unsure if I actually succeeded.

Words escaped me. So we just laid there, my hand in his.

I soaked up every bit of heaven that I could. My head pushed and pulled at me to just tell him never mind, that what I wrote in the note isn't something I meant. It wasn't something I wanted. But instead I just let myself have that moment.

Someone called Frank's name in the distance, and he let out a small sigh before pulling his hand away. I tried to hide my disappointment as he stood up, my body un-moving from its position in the grass. He began to walk away, but the sounds of the grass moving stopped.

"Hey, Bambi," His voice was only a few feet away.

I sat up and held myself up on my elbows, Frank facing me.

"I know you're tired of being somebody's something. But just know you'll always be my girl."

With that he turned back around and walked away, and I knew that that was Frank's way of saying goodbye. It gave me butterflies yet drowned my head in gloom in one fell swoop, and all I could feel was overwhelmed. The worst part of it all is that it was my own decision to live with- and that was a pill I wasn't sure I could ever swallow.