Tainted Hearts

Chapter 41

        Clara's eye focused on the blatantly boring wall. Her attention would've been elsewhere but Kol had left an hour ago because his brother Niklaus needed to speak with him about an urgent matter. Which Kol didn't discuss. She never pressed on matters that weren't her business. She wasn't nosy or a gossiper. She merely had no desire to make Kol tell her those things which he kept tight-lipped away. She knew that he would eventually tell her the answers to all of her questions but for now she was content just to be near him, to stay in his arms and whisper sweet nothings to each other. She knew that he loved her he just didn't know how to show it all the time. And Clara was content with just that. She wasn't upset about it though because she knew that he only had eyes for her and for her only. 

        When he looked at her she could see his every emotion, his every spine-tingling emotion for her. He didn't have to express how he felt in words because he expressed it in his actions.  Most nights they would lay on the couch in the living room and talk about things. The most random things they talked about. She went back to last night's events. 

        They had laid on the couch, warmed up by the fireplace only several feet away. The air was calm and peaceful. The only noises heard was the giggles and laughter between Kol and her.

        His hand around her waist, whispering jokes in her ear. They soon became unerringly funny.

        "Once Niklaus and I came to blows in the sixteenth century. I embarrassed him in front of the King terribly and oh my his face! I have never seen someones cheeks so red," he exclaimed, suddenly becoming excited to tell the story.

        "Later on when I was about to departure to my room in the palace, Niklaus attacked me in the candle lit hallway. He was absolutely stark raving mad. I remember he had kicked me but I punched him in the face and broke his nose. Blood all over his face, but that didn't stop him from pursuing me still. Though he was sort of drunk, so his thought processes and actions were slurred, slow even," he trailed off, signaling the end of the story. 

        "Was Klaus always like that?" I mumbled, though I knew he had heard me. I knew the answer of course but I wanted him to confirm it, I wanted to hear it come out of his own mouth.

        "No he wasn't," he lightly said staring at the full moon through the sliding doors across from us on the couch.

        "What was he like back then, Kol" I eagerly asked, desperately hoping that he would open up to me and revel in this information. He gulped and his eyes darted yet again to the full moon. His eyes betrayed him and I knew that I somehow crossed the line with him. Sure it would take a while for Kol to fully trust me and tell me about his past completely. But I would wait for him because I loved him. I wanted him to know that I would do or be anything for him. 

        I turned my body and grasped his cold hands in mine,"Kol you don't have to tell me. I know its hard to try to indulge into your past and try to tell me about it. You don't have to feel pressured into telling me because I love you and i'll wait for you to tell me one day when you are ready."

        He sighed and leaned into the back of the couch. His arms draped across the back of the couch and his left arm settled around my neck. I snuggled into his side, waiting for him to say something, anything. It was quiet for quite a while until he spoke, sensing a wave of melancholy emanating from him.

        His hand rested on my thigh as he breathed deeply.

        "My family is no more than a broken artifact, a tiny remembrance of what was once there. Finn is dead, Mikael is dead, my mother dead. Elijah, an honest yet moral man, does not believe in family as he once did. Niklaus, obsessed with power and control, overcome with anger and rage, no respect for human life or any for that matter. Rebekah, condescending, manipulative. She throws fits when she doesn't get her way. She believes it is love when a mortal men whisper sweet nothings into her dreary ears", he confided to me as his solemn expression was the only thing I saw in the dead of the night. 

        I nodded my head and leaned my head on his shoulder as he breathed deeply trying to think of what he was going to say next. I realized that Kol wasn't a good guy and I couldn't ever change that. Kol was Kol and no one would change him for the better. Would our relationship even work out or would it perish in the flames and slowly die out like a bonfire at a camping party?

        I had no idea, nor did Kol. But I guess many answers are still in the unknown. I couldn't get them with a snap of a finger. All I knew was that we both had a wonderful relationship and we could try to make it work as hard as we can. 

        "Do you think this will last. Kol? Honestly?" I asked as I turned to look at him. Pleading to hear the truth from his lips. His sober expression piercing through my heart like a knife.

        "I'm a monster Clara. I'm the monster in the stories that parents tell their children at night. And you are human. Your life is so precious and you don't even know it. I can't do that. All I can give you is a while with me Clara. That would be selfish of me to take away all that from you. After everything you have gone through you deserve a normal human life. You will fall in love with a mortal man and have children and not know of the monsters that lurk at night. You will get everything that I cannot give you. Though I want you to know Clara that I love you deeply and this is why i'm letting you go. I love you so much that I would die for you." He said as he grasped my hand in his. 

        Tears fell from his eyes and rolled down his alabaster cheeks. I reached forward and wiped them away.

        "Don't do this Kol. You will only hurt yourself in the end and you will become the man that kills without thought or mercy. You will become the monster again," I whispered as I tried to not cry. But I failed terribly as a sob rang out. It was very high pitched and I hadn't recognized it, but indeed it was my own. I clutched him as my chest heaved and I sobbed. I was torn, a mental debate. He couldn't leave me like this. This had happened in many movies I had watched. This I thought wouldn't have ever happened to me. But it did, it was happening right now. 

"Don't try to be good right now. I want you to be  selfish and let me be with you forever and until the end of eternity. I will hate you if you wipe my memory away of you. Our memories together. How can you do this Kol? You deserve to be with me. After everything you've experienced your just going to throw this away. You deserve to be loved and so do I."

        He grasped my hand and muttered the word that would be the end of my happiness or the the beginning of my forever. 

"Fine Clara I will but only because I do not want you to hate me."