The Giant and His Heart. [Light at the end of the tunnel]

Prologue

So this is not your typical love story, where girl meets boy and they fall head over heels for each other, and live happily ever after. The happily ever after might be a possibility in this story, but don't hold your breath. Don't worry yourselves, in this story there will be love since I know how much many of you love a love story, but this kind of love is going to be different from the type of love many of you know of or are used to. This type of love is so complicated...so dark...so intense...so dangerous...and so dirty. Need I say more? Some of you will call this type of love unhealthy, but what type of love do you expect to be formed between two very damaged individuals? I apologize I'm getting carried away. I haven't introduced myself yet! Sigh. Let me not be rude, so my name is Busisiwe. Most people call me Busi for short. I currently live with my mother, who is a single parent, and I don't know who my father is. I will not bore you with the details of what happened between my mother and my father, or the details of why I don't know my fathers...blah blah blah! This story is not about that. I'm 20 years old, a part time waitress at this restaurant called Cappies. I've been a waitress for two years now, and I'm doing my 2nd year in Economics. The reason for me working is because I basically support myself. The bursary that I got only covers for tuition and books. My mother told me when I had reached the age of 18 years that I would have to contribute to rent if I wanted to continue living with her, and also that I had to contribute on groceries. I'm sure this is shocking for some of you. Saying that my relationship with my mother is rocky is an understatement. Since I was young I don't remember my mother being the definition of what a mother is supposed to be to her child. At the age of 7 I was already looking out for myself, practically doing things for myself. My mother would leave me all by myself at home so that she could go out with her friends or go out with whoever she was dating at the time. So at a young age I had to be independent. For a long time I really thought how my mother was treating me was normal until I saw the type of relationships my friends had with their own mothers, then I knew that my mother was neglecting me. I don't know if the reason had to do with my father or what, but as I said that in this story we won't be talking about my father.

I don't know if the relationship that I have with my mother is the result for the many issues that I have, or is it the fact that ever since I was in primary and high school I got picked on a lot by other kids because of my weight. The getting picked on hasn't stopped by the way, but it is not as it was in primary and high school. Now I just get comments from people who think they have a say about how I look like when they don't...people are cruel like that. Or it could be that one of the reasons why I have these issues is because of my absent father. I don't know. But what I know is that I have issues. My mother, my friends and past boyfriends have never failed to remind me of that fact. About the past boyfriends part, well, I wouldn't say they were my boyfriends because they soon ran out of interest towards me when they realized that I wasn't going to be having sex with them. Thing is, I'm not good with relationships. For instance, check out the one I have with my mother...which is rocky...and also check out the one I have with my father...which is non existent. So how can I be able to hold onto a relationship? The other thing is the fact that I'm very insecure about how my body looks...you know because of the weight...so I always second guess myself which makes it hard for me to let the opposite sex to become intimate with me. All of my past boyfriends have ended up referring to me as being the "ice cold bitch". Not a nice name huh? Well that is my life. I literally have two friends since high school and I'm a 20 year old virgin, which my two friends never seem to stop teasing me about. In honest truth I don't see a problem with being a virgin, I mean I've heard about how sex is like from the stories my friends tell me and I've realized that I'm not missing much. When I say that to my friends they tell me that there is something wrong with me...that I have issues. So I guess I do have issues. You guys will have to decide that for yourselves as the story goes on...........