I'm exhausted
But I'm not fucking tired
I'm terrified
But I'm not even scared
I'm jealous
Yet I don't even care about you
All these feelings
Fucking confusing shit in my head
No, not my head
My heart
I never understood
Why people said heartbreak was the worst kind of pain
Until I felt it rip in two
When you said another girl liked you
Why should that matter
It doesn't really
Except now I feel like crying
Saying your name is a fucking pain
Because what right do I have
To call this heaven sent angel boy
By such a familiar term
It feels like sinning
And I love it
But I'm afraid that going to hell this way
Will not be nearly as pleasant as if I had died
Because you could make my life a living hell
As easy as the press of a button
Condemn me to damnation
But you haven't and you say you won't
Which I'll never understand
I don't get you, my angel boy
My perfection lover
But I'll try to hold onto you
I'm too weak without you not to
