Can you love someone more than they love you? I find this the hardest question to answer.
How can you presume to know that your feelings are stronger or more than someone elses?
My heart soars when I am with him and that in and of itself has shown me that I can do and be what ever I put my mind to.
Do I do the same for him? Does he feel that boundless, beautiful, boisterous love that fills my heart and heals all the wrongs in my world?
I cant know if he loves me more. I cant dictate his feelings for me. I can only love him with every ounce of my being and thrive to be a better more deserving person to warrant the love I feel when I am with him.
I set my pen down and go back to listening to the Professor talk about writing styles and its impact on forms of literature. He eyes me and it feels off. Maybe he knows I wasn't paying attention.
The rest of the lecture I sit and take notes and notice him eyeing me a little more that strictly necessary. Punching a professor has to have its down falls. Like being expelled from one of the best universities in the country because a tenured professor gave you the creeps.
He dismisses class and call me to stay. Its only been 2 weeks and two professors have asked me to stay. I know that some of the other students eye me as they leave. When the room is empty I look to the doors to check if Jeongguk is looking in but I don't see him yet. He isn't always right there when I am done so I stand and walk to the front of the hall.
"Have I done something wrong?" I ask fiddling with the strap of my bag.
"Youre distracted occasionally. I have a note in my file saying that you have specific medical needs. Is distraction a side effect of this?" He doesn't even bother to look at me as he brings up my mental health! Asshole!
"No." I look down at my feet for a moment. "Why do you have a note saying that I have medical needs?"
"For liability purposes I suppose. Also if you require extra time for work due to inability to attend lectures or tests."
"I wont need that. If I miss a lecture I will get the notes and study and I wont allow myself to miss a test." I don't want him to think of it as me getting away with not being here or doing things because I can do this. I just have to monitor myself.
"So what is it then? Do you have a disease or something?"
"No. I have a fear of physical contact." He looks up at me confusion plainly displayed on his face.
"I would not have guessed that."
"Um.. Thank you?" I literally have no idea what to say to that! How do you respond to hey you dont look crazy.
"Do you require anything from me regarding this?" He waves his hand in front of me. "Affliction?"
"Affliction?" I raise my eyebrow. I am afflicted? No I don't think so. I think I am dealing quite well this year with the amount of people I have to be around and not having Jeongguk by my side.
"Is that an improper term for .."
"Haphephobia."
"Is it not an affliction?" He asks setting his pen down and resting his hands on the stack of papers.
"I don't feel afflicted. I suppose it is the proper word for the feeling if you are looking at it from a third party perspective." I cross my arms over my chest and wish that Jeongguk was here. I can fight my own battles but I feel braver when he is around for this specific topic.
YOU ARE READING
Chapters of Us
Fanfictionsequel to poetry outloud to follow Tae and Guk in college as Jeongguk works toward his doctorate and Tae experience new things outside of high school😍 mostly because i really like these characters and missed them the second i ended the other story...
