Chapters of Us

change my life

"We have a drug.." Dr. Song is smiling like she found the golden ticket. Tae nods half heartedly, probably thinking its just another medicine that will hardly work. He tugs at his beanie, fidgets with his sleeves and doesnt bother to look up.

"What is it?" I ask.

I worry.. The constant 'will this work' theyve been doing for the past few months, Adding and taking away meds, it is worrying.

"Its an antipsychotic. Before you get upset its used most commonly in ptsd patients and they rave about it!" She places a few sample boxes in front of us. "They say it changed their lives."

Tae scoffs picking up the boxes and reading it over.

"This is all in English." He sighs.

"They just approved it here." Dr. Songs excited demeanour doesnt change. Its got me a bit excited.

"Side effects?" I take a box from Taes hand. Reading it over in my slightly better ability to read in english.

"Muscle stiffness.. Vomiting. Usual for these types of drugs." She shrugs.

"That only happened once." Tae murmurs quietly.

"I know!" Dr. Song says happily. "Its why im not worried!"

"You're really fucking excited." I chuckle.

"I am!" She agrees shimming in her seat.

"Until it doesnt work." Tae is still speculative which we both understand. It must be a nightmare to hope for so long and nothing helps.

"Try. For me." Dr. Song urges. Tae just nods. I can almost hear him say what other option do i have but he just seems so defeated lately.

Its not a big deal really. She isnt taking anything away just adding this at night.

He doesnt complain. Its one more pill at night so he lets it go. Snuggles in bed and is asleep quickly.

He gets quiet after a few days like every other medicine. He just wants it to work and it doesnt seem to. Even though he understands it takes time.

So we go to bed another night. After a week on these new meds and he takes it without complaint but still not feeling too different.

But there is something.. I catch it. He isnt mumbling to himself as much.  His face isnt doing that disgusted scrunching thing randomly. I dont say anything but .. Something is different.

I dont expect it to be this way. Its only a week. Usually its several weeks for the slightest change but i wake up and Tae is right there. His hand moving along my arm that's wrapped around his waist.

"Hey." He smiles.

"Im so sorry. Did i hur.."

"Relax." He giggles and moves closer.

"Tae.."

"It doesnt hurt. And.. And the voice is gone. Just inner monologue." He smiles.. Really smiles!!

"Like.. Like what?" Im pretty sure im not getting this right. Not hearing him right.

"God my boyfriend is handsome. And smart! He's  going to be Dr. Jeon! God thats sexy.. Is playing doctor the same if its a doctorate in education?" He looks at me waiting.

"What?" I shake my head trying to.clear out the confusion. " Umm.. I guess?"

"No silly!" He laughs. "That's what's going on in my head!"

"That's it? Just.. Just inner monologue?" I look all over his face and he smiles nodding. "How long!?"

"Yesterday. I thought it was a fluke. Like i was just better at ignoring it." He shakes his head laughing quietly at himself. "But i woke up like 30 minutes ago and you were holding me and.. It felt.. Nice. Warm and nice."