Chapters of Us

little by little by little by..

"Please." I pout with my chin on the arm of the couch as Jeongguk sits in the arm chair reading. Scratch that.. Ignoring me! "I said pllleeeeaaassee!"

"I heard you." He nods flipping the page and i huff flipping on my back. Which turns out to be a mistake because the iv tugs painfully in my arm.

"Ow! Argh!" I sit up and punch the pillow next to me. Plasma at home is a new nifty thing they allow as i am currently unable to attend outpatient clinics due to my amazing fear of other patients and nurses and doctors and people in general.

"Did it come out?" Guk asks as he sets his books down.

"I need love and affection!" I look down at him as he kneels in from of me and checks the line and port. "I could give you gentle head?" I bat my eyebrows and he scoffs shaking his head at me.

"Sounds amazing. Still no. You need to finish this because you have that fancy cut on your foot thats been bleeding for over an hour or something." He air quotes at the end because thats what i said when he got home and noticed i looked pale and my sock was covered in blood from a scratch.

Listen it didnt hurt and i was sitting so i barely notice i was light headed.

"I will compromise with you." He sighs resting his hands on my legs. "I wil give you lots of kisses and snuggles.."

"But.."

"And youll be a good boy." He levels me with a Seongseng nim look. Which i groan at and throw my head back.

"I miss your penis!" I yell and he laughs. I dont think this is funny!

"I miss you too baby. But id be really upset if we had to rush you to an emergency room because i ruptured a blood vessel in your throat." He stands kissing my forehead as i pout.

"But kisses?" He chuckles and sits next to me careful of my iv and pushes my over grown green bangs from my face and nods.

"As many as you need."

"All of them?" I smirk and lean into him. Kissing him is still amazing... Even with the burning tingling feeling.

Hurts.. It hurts!

I gulp ignoring myself. Ignoring the warning alarms going off. His tongue swipes my lips and i hiss. Its like a painful inferno.

"I think thats good." He starts to back away and i follow him.

"More." I pant and try so hard to reach him with my eyes closed. But i flinch when his gently holds my arms and i know its over. He wont continue because i can say im sexually frustrated and thats the painful groans but i cant explain flinching.

"Not today baby." He sighs and moves back to the chair opening his book.

I hate this. I hate my medicine that isnt working!! I hate my body thats attacking itself. I haye him for not pushing me... Do i want that!? I dont even know but i know this is driving me insane!!

I stand and pull iv stand as i head out of the living room.

"Baby?"

"Tired. Im going to bed." I mumble as i walk down the hall.

"I should come with you.."

"You really shouldnt." I shake my head. I fall crawl into bed and curl into myself... And cry.

I miss him. Hes here but because of me.. Because of this.. Hes so far away.

I half think of pulling my half done iv transfusion from my arm and just letting myself bleed until i doze off and never wake up.