Chapters of Us

parts unknown

"So what does that mean?" I ask as Tae taps his chin with a pen and looking at his phone when it dings.

"To me? Or the thing im suppose to say because thats what english teachers decided he was saying and now we all must learn that?" The sarcasm is dripping from his every word and movement as he aggressively air quotes and rolls his eyes when his phone dings again.

"How about we go with both? Your opinion is valid Tae but your assignment is probably going to be the generic answer." I shrug and give him an apologetic look.

"More's talking about how life would be ideally. They way he grew up, he witnessed corruption and believed he could voice his opinions on government through his work and get a better reaction." Tae sighs and lets his pen fall to the counter when his phone dings twice before fisting his long bangs in his hand.

"And what did you think?" He looks up at me and rolls his eyes. Hes getting agitated by either me or whoever is texting him.

"Pipe dream. No one treats everyone with respect and care. Most people dont give a damn about the next guy or their opinion or what they say and sure its nice, its a nice idea, but we will always have this divide. The wealthy and the poor, intelligent and under educated." He gnaws at his lip and looks away from me. "Mentally stable and us crazy people."

"Minorities and the under privileged get a tough crack at life Taehyung. Its what we do with the hand we a dealt that dictates our character." He rolls his eyes again. "Also you arent crazy."

"Thanks Dr. Jeon but im not the enigma i once was. I am a listless lump on your couch most days."

I take a slow breath as i close my book and fold my hands over it. I see his lip tremble and he bites it. I know he doesnt mean to be annoyed or angry with me but who else is there? Text message person whoever it is?

Yoongi who visits often and encourages Tae to whine and beg until im at their disposal for the night or Jimin who watches him sadly and whispers how he wishes he could hug Tae as he leaves. Jin who makes too much food and distracts Tae with old plays he finds and thinks it will help him feel better? Hobs who brings board games and helium balloons because Taes voice is so deep and its funny to him to hear the high pitched squeaks coming from him. Itd probably be Namjoon who urges him to keep doing his course work and discusses ways to help Tae with his faculty advisor at the university. Hes probably texting him about extensions on work hes completed already.

But he doesnt. Tae smiles from a distance that sometimes isnt so big. Across the counter or two feet apart on the couch.

Then there is me.

I am always here unless im at a class and he snaps and groans and rolls his eyes.

"Are we done?" They annoyance in his voice is thick and dripping from each syllable.

"Do you want to be done today?" He stands and looks at the front door and sits back down.

"Im sorry." He mumbles before curling into himself.

"Its fine." And it is. I understand hes frustrated. Wants to be normal. Wants to go out and be himself or.. His old self as he says.

"Its really not. Im not communicating my hurt well. Dr. Song said i should tell you when i need something and im avoiding it." His hands are back in his mint green hair. His dark roots are about two inches long now. His phone gives another ding.

"Im here. You can ask me for anything." I urge holding my own hands tightly so i dont invade his space.

"I want to have a guest over but.." He nearly whispers. "I dont think youll like it."