Chapters of Us

being open

I walk up to his lecture hall humming to myself. I love his smile whem i show up in time to greet him after class.

I peak through the window and see a girl standing over him.

Knowing Tae like i do i can see the small ticks that tell me anxious or sad or angry. Right now, he is boarding on furious. He rips a piece of paper and with a shakey hand holds it out to her before standing. Tae is catching up to me, only a few centimeter shorter than i am. He towers over her and points at me.

I see his mouth say 'Now if youll excuse me.' And she backs up looking like a kicked puppy.

"Baby?" I say gently when he hugs me hard after bursting out the door.

"She was rude. She said she didn't give a shit about my day dates and infered i wouldnt be able to handle my part of our group project because i refused to huddle up with them." His hand tightened in the back of my shirt under mu coat. "I can do it Gukkie! I can! I just dont see why being on top of other people is required to do a project."

"It doesn't Tae and if they don't like it then fuck them!" 

"I don't even want to hug them Guk." He giggles into my shoulder.

"Har har! Regular comedian right here." I laugh giving him and extra squeeze before pulling away. "Better?"

"Mhmm tingly in all the right places." He winks and I just shake my head at him as we start to walk to get food.

"What did you say to her?" I ask as my fingers work his tense shoulder.

"I said its not a day date to go eat so you can take your medication." He sounds annoyed again. "Then this girl had the audacity to say I didn't look sick! Oh im sorry do I need to actually burn alive for you to believe I cant have you touching me! Do I need to have a full blown fucking panic attack for you to understand that I don't want your grubby hands on me!" 

"Invisible illnesses always seem to throw people. To them you are this insanely attractive individual who has nothing serious going on in his life. Sometimes its hard for people to see past the outside. They assume they know everything about you simply because you exude a certain confidence." 

"Well fuck that! I have shit! I hurt and get scared and my family abandoned me and .." he kind of just fades out before daring to talk about Joy. His hand sliding under my coat as he fists my shirt again.

"Babe.."

"No its.. its fine Gukkie. I just wish I didn't have to explain why I don't want to fucking be touched. Why I cant be touched." He sighs and I want nothing more than to grab him and run home with him. "Can we talk about something else. Make me a normal human again?"

"Sure. I have to teach my speaking class." I chuckle when he rolls his eyes.

"Super fair. Please do this thing that you have been doing for the past year." He laughs and my heart feels lighter knowing I can make him happy.

"I dont know I have to pick from certain topics and I actually have talked with you about this before, the subject I chose."

"What is it?"

"Evolution in language and writing." 

"I am glad my mind is helping you with your doctorate courses." He laughs again and its like the most calming music until he stops walking and grabs his face. "Shit!"