Bizzle imagines

30. He's back(cute,sad)

"I knew it! I fucking knew he was out banging some other girl. And look what happened! It's fucking true!" My friend, Mel is on the couch with me at my apartment.

It's 10 at night and she's just found out her boyfriend of a year, Derek has been cheating on her for the last two months.

It's hard to talk about relationships considering I just got out of one a month ago.

His name was Justin, Justin Bieber and yes the pop star.

We were together for over 7 months and it was the best time in my life. And it's even harder to talk about a relationship that involves cheating because that's what Justin did to me.

I should've expected it with him considering he was always on the road, but I trusted him and I loved him. In fact I still do love him.

Why is it the ones that we love, break our hearts the worst?

He made me happy, made me feel loved and worthy.

And here I am in the same apartment of mine where he'd visit me. I still have the bed we would make love in countless times.

Why do I torture myself? Why do I keep these fragments of him around? And why am I being a therapist to my friend who has the same problems as me and I can't even help myself?

The hard part about loving a celebrity, loving Justin Bieber is that he's everywhere. He's on the news, my social media, on my flipping yahoo mail news. I cannot escape the man, no matter how hard I tried.

Mel and I have had some glasses of wine, spilling out our emotions, tears, and relationship stories.

I cry myself to sleep over that man, I thought I was different but obviously not. Of course everyone has needs and wants and when your on tour and your horny, it's easy to get into shit.

But he could've just called me and we'd have phone sex. I know it was a mistake but it really hurt and something told me it would happen again.

It was devastating letting him go and those awful names I called him as I pushed him out of my apartments door...guilt fills me.

We haven't talked since that night except he use to call me every night at 9 just to leave me a voicemail saying he loved me and was just making sure I was doing okay.

And it hurts to hate someone who does that for you. It broke my heart because I just couldn't hate him, I never could. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself to hate him, I couldn't do it.

And so I love the guy but never contacted him back. It's been over a week since he's contacted me and I'm still processing everything.

I'm sad he doesn't contact me no more, moved on obviously but I was the one who pushed him away. It was ME who ended it between us. And I knew he was over me when he started hanging out with this model, Yovanna Ventura.

My heart broke even more but like I said earlier, I dumped him. I think it hurts me more than it does him.

And I notice his smile is missing in photos, the shine in his eyes gone, the healthy glow of his skin dulled. I knew the reason why those flaws appeared because I have them too. Those are the side effects of depression, boy do I know that well.

Mel was now crying and I even had the urge too although it wasn't because of what she just told me, it was because I miss him. I miss Justin so bad and I know he's out of my reach now. Were just strangers.

"A year, a fucking year wasted" Mel growls through her tears, taking another swig of red wine from the bottle.

Even though the booze looks tempting, I can't down it. I'm afraid to take some, a pit in my stomach no alcohol will ever fix.