The Notes We Write

14.

I was sitting in my French class, with Casey beside me. Unlike Casey though, I wasn't paying attention at all. At the start of this year the teacher would speak English a couple of times to explain something, but that time was over now. She was speaking full on French now. I tried to follow along at first, but now I just block her voice in my head. I couldn't understand her anyway, so I stopped trying.

I was kind of up in my own head, thinking about random things. Casey's face was turned away from me, looking at the board the teacher was writing on. His hand moved to write something, he thought was important, down on the paper in front of him. His eyelashes touched his cheeks and his curls fell over his forehead as he was writing. Suddenly all I could think about was how beautiful he was. Sucking his lip into his mouth in concentration.

As if he felt that I was staring at him, he looked back at me. Seeing his eyes, something snapped in me. My stomach just exploded with butterflies, I felt my cheeks get red, and I felt warm all over. Above all, I felt myself getting extremely nervous. I quickly looked back at the teacher, pretending to pay attention. I heard him chuckle and he continued writing.

Why did that happen, I asked myself. Why did I feel, still feel this way? I have never reacted so strongly to someone, I have never felt this strong about anyone.

Was I in love with Casey? Was I in love with one of my best friends?

Casey moved his leg, accidentally touching mine. My whole body shivered. "Sorry'' He whispered.

I am in love with Casey.

Without thinking I jumped up from my chair. Everyone turned their head to look at me and the room fell silent. "Can I go to the bathroom?" I said quickly. "En français s'il vous plaît" mrs Jardin said crossing her arms. I wasn't really in the mood for that so I just walked out of the class.

I really needed to tell someone. Without thinking (I seemed to do that a lot today) I barged into the classroom I knew Christie had Biology in. "Miss Meyer, what are you doing here?'' The teacher asked me in confusion. "Can I lend Christie for a minute? Thank you!"

"Hailey? What is going on?" I didn't answer her and just pulled her by her arm to the bathroom. "Miss Meyer, miss Varela, get back here!" her teacher yelled but didn't follow us.

I would normally never do such a thing and was usually a goody two shoes, but I was having a crisis and a little mental breakdown so that explains it.

''Hailey! Are you crazy? We're gonna get in trouble, no doubt." She said pacing around the bathroom with her hands in her hair. ''What is so important that you-"

''I'm in love with Casey'' It felt so much more real saying it out loud, it made me feel nervous all over again. Especially now that the adrenaline had left my body.

She stopped walking and looked at me. A smile slowly crept onto her face. "What?''

"I'm in love with Casey." I repeated myself.

''Yeah, I heard you the first time!'' She pulled me in a hug, making me chuckle. She let me go, still holding my elbows. "How? When? Why now?" She said shaking her head in excitement. She was talking so quick I almost didn't understand.

"I don't know, just now, I don't know!'' I smiled at her. She looked at me and said, ''I'm so excited for you H! Wait, it is a happy thing right? you're happy?" Her face fell into a worried one when she saw I wasn't smiling as much as she was.

"I really don't know, it kinda scares me actually. I don't want to lose a friend, especially not one like Casey. But at the same time, I feel so warm, and cozy and just so good" I said pulling my face in my sweater because I felt myself blushing.