Nothing I Expected

first moments

WARNING ⚠️: Might trigger some of you so please read at your own risk. I don't want to be a reason to hurt any of you , make you feel sick to your stomach or even get a panic attack. All the love, Alison ❤️

•••

Sweat rolls down my forehead as I hear my door creak open. A stretch comes into the room -sweat and beer- leaving me shaking because I know that smell. That's the smell of  my Uncle Sam. He comes over to the bed and I start breathing fast, what is he gonna do this time I think. I feel the bed shift as someone sits on top of it.

I scoot to the edge away from the perpetrator. I squeal when he grabs onto my waist. "Not so fast little one." He holds tight to my waist almost leaving wilts in the wake of his hands. I hear a rustling of a belt and then a zipper undoing its self. the I feel my pants being tugged away from me. Please no. I didn't believe in Jesus but in that moment I prayed. I prayed someone or something would help me. But they didn't. I start to cry as I feel fingers intruding me. Then I feel something bigger and I scream out as it hurts so bad. His hand clamps over my mouth as he pushes forward more. I scream again and again begging it to stop and then my prayer is answered as I'm being shaken.

"Ariella wake up."
"Ari please wake up it's just a dream"
"Wake up"

•••

I push whoever's hands that are on me away as I get up as fast as I can and run for my front door. But someone's faster than me and grabs ahold of my arms hugging them to my side.

I jerk away and start to scream again as I hear a voice that I recognize. "Ari it's ok it's me, Jaron, it's fine your safe. Please breathe."

"Let go." I gasp as I try to breathe, feeling my stomach swirl with sickness. "Please." I says again.
He slowly let's go.

I run around the corner to my kitchen sick and hurl all the contents of last nights dinner into my sink. I feel hands on my head, pulling my hair away from my face and I push them away. I couldn't stand to be touched right now. Not after another dream.

I knew I should've kept my mouth shut at therapy and just gave him nonchalant answers but instead I opened up and now I'm dealing with the repercussions.

I turn on the sink and rinse out my vomit. Then I get some water on my face and splash it, realizing it was already wet with tears.

"Ar- when did they start up again? I don't understand I thought you were doing fine." Jaron asks me.

They never really stopped I think. They just got less frequent. But now that I'm talking about my past they are going to come back and I already knew that. That was my mistake.

"Jaron it's ok, they're always gonna be here. They won't ever stop. But I'm ok and I'm really sorry you had to witness it." I said drying my face with a towel then jumping to sit on my counter.

"Don't apologize it's not like you can control it. I knew it was about him because you kept screaming and crying saying stop and I just knew.. God I get so mad sometimes that it makes me wish I killed him that day I walked in on it happening. I'll never forget that Ari, and I'm so sorry I couldn't stop it sooner."
He says with tears in his eyes as he comes to stand in front of me.

I look him in the eyes and say with complete honesty, "Thank you for stopping him that day. I was so scared you were gonna kill him and I was gonna lose my big brother but Jaron I promise you, I'm happy he's not dead and instead he's getting what he need to get in prison. We don't have to worry about him."

"I know but it's so hard to think he's still out there."
I nod at him saying that. I agree. It wasn't easy to know that the man who tortured me for years was still out there.