My Crazy Ex [박지민] under editing

chapter 24 the past

• sciamachy = 
a battle against imaginary enemies, fighting your own shadows.

jimin pov
I arrived at a familiar spot. A place where I experienced most of my happy moments. Where I always came to remember and calm down.

Life hasn't been the best and with the bad choices I have made in my life, I need to fix up. I can't continue to have conflict with the people I love. I am trying not to be like him. But it seems like he was right.

"You will always be like me. It's in your blood."

"No! Stop"

"Try and run away! But I'll always be there to remind you!!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Pathetic child, I never fu*king loved you"

I won't forget what he said. But I can't let it control me either. I shouldn't have left my problems behind. I am not going to be a monster like he was.

"Appa!! Leave him"

"He deserves this for being a snitch"

"You're- you're going to kill him-"

"Go the fu*k away!"

"No-" *police sirens*

I never want to revisit that place again. But I can't hide away forever, I need to do this in the right way. I need to fix it myself. Not be a wimp any more.

I collapsed onto the ground, leaning my back against the tree bark. The sky looked the same as it did years ago. Looks like it's true that the sky holds memories. Good ones and bad.

I have become a monster. I don't know why his words always linger in my head. I can't get rid of them. Even through the grave. He will always be their watching me, being a disappointment. Nothing could ever make him happy. Not even a hug.

"I love you dad!"

"Don't love me, I won't be here forever it will just hurt you"

"B-but-" " just leave!"

I have a heart and I will love. And besides, I love yoonji. I live for her. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have her in my life. Things would be so miserable. And now I see how I am becoming like him. And I need to stop before I really become a monster.

I lost the first person I loved. And it was all my fault. If I had controlled myself, then she would be still alive with me. I should learn to know that I am my own person and will not follow in anyone's footsteps.

I am not going to become something that I am not. And I promise I will never do something that I will regret later on.

I walked back down the block to find where I had parked my car. I was going to go get my jagi back. I miss her already. I forgive her for running from me. I can't really blame her when I am treating her badly. I would run from me too.

Besides, keeping my bad side locked up feels like a good idea. Everyone has one. Deep inside them. Just some haven't been shown how to control it.

I walked up to my parked car. I unlocked the doors and sat inside. It was not the easiest leaving the one you love with someone else, but I trust this someone else. I just hope he learns to trust me again, too.

(A/n sorry this update was late!! I haven't really had time to write recently. I will hopefully update more often!! Byee 😁)